IVERSITY 
OF 


THE 

IMPOSTOR  DETECTED, 

OR 

A    REVIEW 

OF 

SOME    OF   THE    WRITINGS 

OF 

«  PETER  PORCUPINE." 


BY    TiMOTffr  TlCKLETOBT. 

"  He  is  a  Monfter  of  fuch  horrid      ^en 
"  As  to  be  hated,  needs  but  to  be  icen." 

POPE, 

To  WHICH    IS  ANNEXED 

A  REFRESHMENT  FOR   THE  MEMORY  o* 
William  Cobbett, 

BY 

SAMUEL  F.  BRADFORD. 

Second  Edition. 
PHILADELPHIA : 

FROM    THE    FREE    AND    INDEPENDENT 

POLITICAL  b*  LITER  ART 

PRESS  OF 

THOMAS  BRADFORD, 

PPJNTER,     BOOKSELLER    &f   STATIONER, 
No.  8,  South  Front  Street. 

— MOMBM 
1796, 


TO  THE  READER. 


II 

i  3B7 


I 


HAVE  entered  into  a  review  of  fome 
of  the  writings  of  "  Peter  Porcupine,"  with 
confiderable  reluctance — Neither  my  engage- 
ments nor  my  inclinations  favoured  an  underta- 
king, where  nothing  was  to  be  acquired  from  a 
victory  over  fuch  a  defpicable  opponent.  Indeed 
I  felt  and  could  have  exclaimed  with  the  poet 

t(  Now  by  my  foul  it  makes  me  blufli  to  know, 
"  My  fpirit  could  defcend  to  fuch  a  foe." 

— Some  of  my  friends, however  that  I  always  feel 
difpofed  to  gratify,  prompted  me  to  the  tafk,  by 
an  aflurance,  that  contemptible  as  was  Peter 
Porcupine,  he  was  fupported  by  a  Britifo  faction 
in  the  United  States,  and  that  it  would  not  be  an 
ufelefs  undertaking  to  pourtray  the  man  who  was 
thus  fuftnined;  indeedithaslongbeenmy opinion, 
that  this  pamphleteer  was  madeufe  ofbya/0ra£» 


ir  TO    THE    READER, 

agent  among  us,  and  from  his  own  vindication 
of  himfelf  this  opinion  has  been  ftrengthened 
into  conviction  ;  but  his  being  iu  foreign  pay 
was  not  a  reafon  fufficient  for  me  to  analize  him, 
had  I  not  been  perfuaded  that  he  received  a 
countenance  from  men  filling  themfelves  Ame- 
ricans—ThQ  extracts  which  have  appeared,  in 
certain  Gazettes  in  the  United  States,  from  his 
writings,  carry  a  prefumption,  that  he  is  not 
foftered  by  a  foreign  agent  alone,  that  even  citi- 
zens of  America  are  found  proflituted  enough 
to  make  ufe  of  him — The  Editor  of  the  Gazette 
of  the  United  States  has  even  extracted  and 
publiflied  from  one  of  his  pamphlets,  a  low  and 
fcurrilous  attack  upon  Thomas  Paine — a  man 
to  whom  the  United  States  are  much  indebted 
for  his  exertions  during  the  late  Revolution-- 
It was  acknowledged  then,  and  cannot  be  deni- 
ed now,  that  the  author  of  Common  fenfe,  the 
Crifes,  &c.  was  worth  an  army  to  the  United 
States,  and  yet  in  the  twentieth  year  of  Ameri- 


TO    THE    READER.  V 

can  Independence,  a  man,  \vho  has  rendered, 
fuch  fervices  to  his  country,  is  moft  grofsly  a- 
bufed  by  a  Brttijh  Corporal,  and  this  abufe  is  in- 
ferted  in  a  paper  which  profelles  ftfelf  to  be  a 
friend  to  the  American  government,  to  the  in- 
dependence of  the  United  States,  and  to  the 
caufe  of  Republic  anifm  !  ! 

In  theCentinel,  a  paper  publifhed  in  Bofton, 
Peter  Porcupine  is  actually  pauegyrifed,  as  will 
apDear  from  the  following  extracts  from  it — • 
"  Mr.  Ruffd?  The  public  of  the  United 
States  has  for  fome  months  pad  been  inftructed 
by  and  entertained  with  the  writings  of  JMr. 
William  Cobbett  of  Philadelphia,  bearing  the 
fignature  of  PETER  PORCUPINE— -Thefe  wri- 
tmgs  have  been  generally  read  ;  and  the  feveri- 
ty  of  their  fatire,  their  lucid  argument,  and 
pungent  wit,  have  greatly  chaffed  the  diforga- 

nizlng  faction  of  our  country OF-canrfe 

champions  of  that  faclion  have  re  for  ted  to  their 
darling  weapon  fcurrility,  falfhood  and  Billinf- 


vi  TO    THE    READER. 


gate  abufe  againfl  him— Finding  thefe  could 
have  no  effect  in  deterring  the  PORCUPINE  from 
ufmg  his  quills,  or  warding  off  their  barbs, 
they  have  been  reduced  to  the  pitiful  fhift  of  an 
incendiary  and  threatening  letter — This  mea- 
fure  has  produced  a  pamphlet  from  MR.  COB- 
BETT,  which  a  correfpondent  has  enclofed  me, 
in  the  lad  mail,  and  as  none  of  them  have  yet 
reached  this  town,  I  fend  you  an  analyfis  of  part 
of  it,  and  extracts  from  the  other  'part,  for  the 
amufemerit  of  your  readers." 

u  PETER  PORCUPINE  again. 
"  MR.-  RUSSELL," 

My  object  is  to  give  currency  to  the 
writings  of  MR.  COBBETT  ;  as  he  has  flood  for- 
ward the  Champion  of  our  laws  and  conftitutedau* 
thorlties  ;  and  notwithstanding  his  frequent  at- 
tacks on  the  perfecuted PRIESTLEY,  and  fevere 
remarks  on  the  ruling  powers  of  the  French  na- 
tion— fome  of  which  partake  too  much  of  the 


TO    THE    READER,  VI! 

gall  of  bitternefs,  thofe  wrhings  have  clone 
much  fervice  to  the  caufe  of  federalifm,  good 
order  and  tranquility — I  fhall  now  conclude  the 
extracts,  which  are  as  follows.3' 

From  thefe  extracts  it  will  appear,  that  Peter 
Porcupine  is  confidered  as  the  champisn  of  our 
laws    and    conflituted  authorities ;    and  altho' 
he  has  malicioufly  and  indecently  abufed  "  the 
ferfecuied  Prieftley"  and  altho'  he  has  publifh- 
ed  every  vile,  fcandalous  and  falfe  thing  againit 
our  allies,    (till  tie  is  a  good  federaiifl   and    a 
friend  to  good  order  and  tranquility !  We  fhall 
from  this  be  enabled  to  form  lorae  idea  of  what: 
is  meant  by  federal jfiiiy  good  order  and  tranqitUit'j. 
— The  man  who  will  ufe  his  utmofl  endeavours 
to  embroil  this  Country  with  France — who  will 
propagate  the  fouled  falfhoods  and  utter  the  vi- 
left  imprecations  againfl  her,  to  accomplifh  a 
mifunderftanding  with  her,  is  a  good  federalifi, 
is  a  friend  to  good  order  and   tranquility."    He 
whofe  profefTed  object  is  to  extol  a  nation  even 


Vm  TO    THE    READER. 

to  the  third  Heaven,  that  has  outraged  humanity 
and  the  laws  of  nations — a  nation  that  has  difre- 
garded  our  fovereignty,  that  has  robbed  us  of 
our  property  and  made  flaves  of  our  citizens-— 
fuch  a  man  is  the  champion  of  our  laws  and  our 
conftituted  authorities — fuch  a  man  is  zgoodfe- 
deralil  and  a  friend  to  order  and  tranquillty  !  / 
Here  we  have  the  cloven  foot  of  a  Britifh  faction, 
and  here  we  difcover  the  aflbciation  with  a  fo- 
reign agent  to  fuftain  an  incendiary  fcribbler. 
The"  lucid  argument'9  which  this  Centiriel 
babbler  feels  fuch  a  reverence  for,  brings  to 
my  mind  the  lines  of  the  poet  on  a  loin  of  veal 
in  a  date  of  incipient  putrefaction,  and  as  itisfo 
analagous,  the  reader  will  pardon  me  forinfert- 
ing  it. 

"  So  have  I  feen  in  larder  dark, 
Of  veal  a/wr/Wloin, 
Replete  with  many  a  lucid  fpark 
As  wife  philofophers  remark, 
At  once  both  fink 


TO    THE    READER.  IX 

With  refpect  to  the  feverity  of  the  fatire  and 
the  pungency  of  the  wit,  I  will  offer  no  opinion 
left  it  might  be  conftrued  into  prejudice  ;  but 
I  will  give  better  authority,  the  opinion  of  Pe- 
ter's own  countrymen,  the  monthly  reviewers— 
In  the  London  Monthly  review  for  1795,  we 
find  the  following  remarks  on  the  "  Obferva- 
tions  on  the  emigration  of  Dr.  J.  Prieftley,  and 
on  the  feveral  addreues  delivered  to  him  on  his 
arrival  in  New  York,5* 

"  Frequently  as  we  have  differed  in  opinion 
from  Dr.  Prieftley,  we  fnould  think  it  an  ad 
of  injuftice  to  his  merit,  not  to  fay  that  the  nu- 
merous and  important  fervices  which  he  has  ren- 
dered to  fcience,  and  the  unequivocal  proofs 
which  he  has  given  of,  at  lead,  honefl  inten- 
tions towards  the  caufe  of  religion  and  chridia- 
nity,  ought  to  have  protected  him  from  fuch 
grofs  mfults  as  are  poured  on  him  in  this  pam- 
phlet. Of  the  author's  literary  talents, we  Jhall  fay 

but  little — the  phrafes    "  fetting  down  to  count 

B 


XT  TO   THE    READER. 

the  coft'' — the  righfs  of  man  the  greatefl  bore  in 
future'' — and  the  appellation  of  rigmarole  ramble 
given  to  a  correct  fentence  of  Dr.  Prieftley, 
which  the  author  attempts  to  criticife — may  few  e 
as  fpecimens  of  his  language.9' 

"  The  pitiful  attempt  at  wit  in  his  vulgar  rab- 
ble of  the  pitcher  harranguing  the  pans  andj'^r- 
dans,  will  gain  him  little  credit  with  readers  of  an 
elegant  tajle — No  cenfure  however,  can  be  too 
fevere  for  a  writer  who  fuffers  the  rancour  of 
party  fpirit  to  carry  him  fo  far  beyond  the  bounds 
ofju/lice,  truth ,  and  decency ,  as  to  fpeak  of  Dr. 
Prieftley  as  a  man  who  is  an  admirer  of  the  maf- 
facres  of  France,  and  who  would  have  wifhed 
to  fee  the  town  of  Birmingham,  like  that  of  Ly- 
ons, razed,  and  all  its  induflrious  and  loyal  in- 
habitants butchered  :  as  a  man  whofe  conduct 
proves  that  he  has  either  an  underflanding  lit- 
tle fuperior  to  that  of  an  idiot,  or  the  heart  of 
a  MARAT,  in  fhort,  as  a  man  who  fled  into  ba- 
nimment  covered  with  the  univerfal  deteftation 


TO    THE    READER. 

of  his  countrymen — The fpirit  which  could  diffate 
fuch  OUTRAGEOUS  ABUSE,  mil  ft  dif grace  any  in-, 
dividual  and  any  party-." 

The  opinions  of  the  monthly  reviewers  are 
corroborated  by  fome  "  Remarks   printed  in 
London  in  1795" — "  The  fame  badfpirit"  fays 
the  writer,  "  which  perfecuted  Dr.  Prieftley  at 
home,  produced  an  infamous  and  formal   attack 
upon   him  from  the  prefs,  after  his  retreat  to 
America  ;    the  title  of  which  was  "  Obferva- 
tions  on  the  Emigration  of  Dr.  Jofeph  Prieftley, 
and  on   the  feveral  addreffes   delivered  to  him 
on  his  arrival  in  New  York" — In  this  piece  the 
writer  reprefents  Dr.  Prieftley  as  a  fire  brand, 
an  open  and  avowed  enemy  to  the  conftitutiori 
of  his  country,  &c. — 1  fhall  not  enter  into  the 
quePcion,  whether  the  pamphlet  was  firil  con- 
ceived and  originated  in  America  or  England 
— From  whatever  quarter  it  ifTued,  it  is  the  \vork 
of  a  man,  who  flieweth  himfelf  void  of  truth  and 
of  every  moral  principle ,    if  he   were  an  Englijh- 


Xil  TO    THE    READER. 

man  (and  Peter  confefies  that  he  is  an  Englifh- 
man)  and  if  an  American,  a  grofs  and  ignorant 
calumniator"  (Thus  does  the  American  charac- 
ter fuffer  by  the  irajh  imported  from  the  Queen 
pflfles). 

"  But  this  libellous  pamphlet ,  which  was  deftgn- 
ed  to  calumniate,  did  really  recommend  him,  more 
than  a  laboured  panegyric  on  his  character  could 
have  done.  (What  honed  man  that  would  not 
think  himfelf  honored  by  the  abufe  of  Peter 
Porcupine)  For  the  Americans  were  not  wholly 
ignorant  (what  civilized  country  in  the  world 
is  ignorant)  of  his  writings,  and  of  his  being 
one  of  the  firfl  philofophers  of  the  age,  and  an 
eminent  defender  of  the  true  religion." 

There  cannot  be  a  doubt  that  there  exifts  a 
difpofitiori  in  certain  characters  in  the  United 
States  to  aflimilate  our  government  to  that  of 
Great  Britain — Monarchy  is  the  idol  of  thefe 
men,  and  republicanifm  of  courfe,  their  abhor- 


TO    THE    READER.  Xlll 

rence  and  hence  the  feveral  attempts  to  eftab- 
lifh  a  monarchy  inftead  of  a  republic,  and  hence 
the  propagation  of  every  circumftance  with  infi- 
nite induflry,  which  will  add  a  luftre  to  mo- 
narchy and  cad  a  fhade  over  republicanifm — 
The  writings  of  Peter  Porcupine,  as  far  as  his 
capacity  extends,  go  to  this  point,  and  hence 
the  patronage  which  he  has  received  from  cer- 
tain characters  in  our  Country,  fuch  for  exam- 
ple as  his  miferable  flatterer  in  the  Centine! — 
To  alienate  this  country  from  the  Republic 
of  France  is  the  firfl  flep  towards  this  their  fa- 
vourite object,  and  hence  the  dark  picture 
which  has  been  held  up  of  the  men  and  the 
meafures  of  the  Revolution;  hence  the  alTertion 
that  the  treaty  with  France  is  no  longer  binding. 
To  facilitate  their  views  k  is  neceffary  that — 
fome  of  the  worthiefl  and  bed  men  in  the  U.  S. 
Ihould  be  rendered  obnoxious,  that  their  popu- 
larity mould  be  deftroyed,  hence  the  ircurriiity 
agaiatl  ferns  of  the  leading  republican  charge- 


TO    THE    READER. 

• 

ters — All  however  will  not  be  fecure  until  the 
late  Revolution  which  gave  independence  and 
republican! fm  to  our  country  can  be  brought 
into  difgrace,  until  funfhine  patriots,  old  to- 
ries,  and  profcribed  traitors  (hall  have  fuperfe- 
ded  the  patriots  of  76  ;  hence  the  traduclion  of 
Dr.  Franklin,  Mr.  Paine  and  others — If  the  a- 
gents  of  the  Revolution  can  be  covered  with  op- 
probrium, the  Revolution  itfelf  will  be  implica- 
ted ;  for  when  the  props  are  knocked  away  the 
fabric  mutt  fall — This  is  an  epitome  of  the  de- 
figns  of  a  Britifh  faction  among  us. 

It  is  incumbent  on  the  people  to  keep  a  look 
out.  "  There  is  nothing,"  faid  Doctor  Price, 
"  that  requires  more  to  be  watched  than  pow- 
er ;  there  is  nothing  that  ought  to  be  oppofed 
with  more  determined  refolution  than  its  en- 
croachments." "  Sleep  in  a  ftate,"  faid  Mon- 
tefquieu,  "  is  always  followed  by  flavery," — 
We  fliall  not  be  the  fir  ft  nation  that  has  been 
undone  by  fupinenefs,  and  by  the  idea  that  there 


TO    THE    READER.  XV 

is  no  danger — When  fuch  men  as  Peter  Porcu- 
pine are  patronized  among  us,  who  will  fay 
there  is  no  caufe  for  fufpicion  ?  Let  the  reader 
examine  his  works  and  make  his  own  ccnclu- 
fions — For  my  own  part,  I  am  as  folemrily  irn- 
prefled  with  the  belief,  that  there  is  a  deliberate 
defign  to  filch  the  people  of  this  country  of 
their  liberties,  as  I  am  of  the  exigence  of  a  dei- 
ty— Would  to  God  I  were  miftaken  !  but  cir- 
cumftances,  imperious  circuinftances  carry  to 
my  mind  "  conviction  ftrong  as  proofs  of  holy 
writ" — My  feelings  are  tremblingly  alive  for 
my  Country's  happinefs,  and  altho'  I  had  but  a 
final!  fhare  in  the  achievement  of  our  indepen- 
dence, my  own  and  the  liberties  of  my  country 
are  dear  very  dear  to  me  and  I  feel  and  could 
exclaim  with  the  poet, 

"  Is  there  not  fome  chofen  curfe, 

"  Some  hidden  thunder  in  the  (tores  of  Heav'n, 
«  P.ed  with  uncommon  wrath,  to  blaft  the  men 
«  Who  owe  their  greatnefs  to  their  country's  ruin  r" 

The  reader  will  believe  me,  I  truft,  when  I 
allure  him,  that   the  following  remarks   were 


XVI  TO    THE    READER* 

•written  in  great  hade — that  no  attention  was 
paid  to  flile,  and  if  any  inaccuracies  occur,  this 
may  ferve  as  an  apology — My  object  is  not  like 
that  of  Peter  Porcupine,  to  deceive — I  do  not 
write  pourfaim,  and  therefore  I  mall  be  entitled 
to"  more  credit. 

I  have  never  felt  the  "vinegar  mixed  with  gall" 
of  Peter  Porcupine,  or  perhaps  I  fhould  have 
purfued  a  different  mode  from  fome  gentlemen 
with  whom  he  has  taken  unpardonable  liberties- 
• — I  mean  not  to  influence  Mr.  Swanwick,  or  to 
fubftitute  my  opinion  to  his  ;  but  I  folemnly  a- 
ver,  that  had  fuch  indecent  and  unjuftifiable 
freedoms  been  taken  with  me,  I  would  have 
anfwered  them  as  the  French  gentleman  did 
the  abufe  of  h'is  nation,  with  a  horfe  whip — 
It  would  be  a  degradation  of  any  man  of  honor 
to  apply  this  argument  himfelf  ;  but  if  there 
was  a  negroe  or  fcavcngcr  to  be  had  at  the  ex- 
pence  of  half  my  fortune,  it  mould  have  been 
ufed — Men  accuftomed  to  have  their  bare  backs 


TO    THE    READER,  XVli 

tickled  with  a  cat  o'nine  tails,  would  not,  per- 
haps, whine  much  at  the  application  of  a  horfe 
whip  ;  but  mufhroom  importance  poffeffes  at 
times  a  diflempered  fenfibility  which  makes  it 
alive  to  circumftances,  that  would  previoufly 
have  been  difregarded—  When  a  villain  tranf- 
greffes  the  laws,  he  is  punifhed — Argument  to 
him  of  his  crime,  would  be  like  blowing  againft 
a  North  Weft  wind — Society  has  ordered  this 
matter  better,  punifhment  is  the  argument  and 
it  fpeaks  with  conviction — It  would  be  equally^ 
ufelefs  to  reafon  with  a  man  without  a  fenfe  of 
decency  j  being  analogous  in  his  feelings  with 
a  rogue,  no  argument  fo  fuitable  and  fo  much 
ad  hominem  as  the  argumentum  bacculinum. 

THE  AUTHOR. 

PHILADELPHIA,   Allgllft   2.6,    1796. 


T    H 


IMPOSTOR  DETECTED, 


T. 
HE  Scare  Crow  commences  with  a  letter 
faid  to  be  written  to  John  Olden,  the  landlord  of 
this  man — This  letter  bears  the  genuine  like- 
nefs  of  Peter — Let  any  one  compare  it  with  his 
tifual  ftile,  his  delicacy  and  his  elegance  and 
chaftity  of  manner,  and  it  will  fatisfy  him  that 
the  parent  is  the  fame — The  orthography,  it  will 
be  feen,  was  ftudioufly  rendered  bad,  the  more 
readily  to  conceal  the  author;  but  there  is  no  one 
of  ordinary  judgment  who  will  not  at  a  glance 
difcover  that  the  writer  of  the  letter  was  not 
ignorant  of  common  orthography,  whatever 
might  be  his  moral  deficiencies,  or  his  inability 
in  chafte  and  correct  compofition — The  trick 
was  too  palpable  to  deceive  any  but  the  moft 
credulous  and  the  weakeft  of  the  weak — It 
may  be  afked  what  object  the  creature  could 
have  in  view  in  forging  fuch  a  letter  ? — This  is 
pretty  obvious — It  was  nothing  lefs  than  to 
make  himfelf  appear  of  confequence  to  his 
employer  and  to  the  fa&ion  who  countenanced 


him  and  to  fqueeze  a  little  more  juice  out  of  the 
orange — If  he  could  perfuade  them  that  he  was 
menaced  and  in  danger,  their  exertions  would 
be  increafed  in  his  favour,  and  thus  the  flream 
would  receive  more  fupplies — The  violence  of 
the  letter  is  another  lirong  evidence  of  the 
truth  of  my  affertion — No  man  is  fo  loud  as  a 
coward — no  one  declaims  in  favour  of  ho- 
nefty  more  than  a  rogue  and  no  man  fo  out- 
rageous as  the  one  who  wifhes  to  mafque  his 
defigns.  The  more  virulent,  therefore,  the  letter 
the  greater  the  chance  of  concealment,  and  the 
greater  the  prefumption  of  extracting  the  need- 
ful— We  have  no  evidence  againft  this  belief 
but  his  own  aflertion,  and  this  of  all  evidences 
is  the  worft,  taking  it  even  upon  the  common 
credibility  of  teitimony  as  received  in  a  court  of 
juftice — No  man  is  to  be  admitted  an  evidence 
in  his  own  caufe,  and  furely  this  man  would  not 
expect,  that  his  name  would  ftamp  a  value  up- 
on his  ulTertions,  when  made  in  his  own  behalf. 
— Zanga  fays,  "  guilt  begun  rnuft  fly  to  guilt 
confummate  to  be  faved/'  now  as  there  is  iome 
ilmiiitude  of  character,  and  as  Peter  has  fabri- 
cated a  letter,  he  rnufl  tell  a  lie  to  fave  himfelf. 
— This  indeed  is  not  very  difficult  for  him  ;  for 
he  can  with  as  much  eafefay  that  he  is  not  the 
author  of  that  letter,  as  he  could  aifert  that  he 
had  attended  Chrift  Church  for  thirty  years,  or 
that  he  owed  no  taxes — Falfhood  is  his  fort, 
and  in  this  he  is  rather  more  dextrous  than  he 
was  in  his  nofturnal  peregrinations. 

To  obviate  the  imputation  of  his  being  the 
author  of  the  "  cut  throat  letter"  he  paries- 
bis  word  that  he  was  not  the  writer— Convinc- 
ing teftimony  this  indeed  !  The  reafons  he  ad- 
duces why  be  could  not  be  the  author  are  a* 


t       21       J 

frivolous  as  could  be  adduced,  and  fubftantiate 
his  being  the  author,  as  conclufively  as  any  cir- 
cumftantial  evidence  could  do — He  talks  of  the 
rifque  he  would  run  of  detection  at  this  time  ? 
Why  at  this  time?  Has  he  not  been  "  congra- 
tulated on  his  triumph  over  the  once  towering 
but  fallen  and  defpicable faction?"  Surely  then  he 
had  nothing  to  apprehend  from  a  fallen  faction  ! 
What  rifque  ?  Has  he  any  reputation  to  lofe  ? 
This  he  certainly  muft  have  left  flicking  to  the 
poft — Did  he  dread  the  vengeance  of  the  citi- 
zens of  Philadelphia  ?  A  people  who  have  (hewn 
fo  much  forbearance  in  permitting  the  refufe  of 
Old  England  to  mangle  the  men  of  the  revolu- 
tion at  his  pleafure,  would  not  have  been  ex- 
cited to  violence,  by  finding  fuch  a  fellow  to  be 
a  forger  of  letters  as  well  as  a  fugitive  from  juf- 
tice  and  a  liar — Had  he  written  it  himfelf  "  there 
would  have  been  his  hand  writing  againfl  him" 
— -A  wife  reafon  this  truly  \  As  if  a  man  who 
could  forge  letters^  and  do  other  flight  cf  hand 
tricks,  could  no.t  counterfeit  a  hand  writing  for 
the  purpofe —  "  Had  he  employed  another 
he  might  have  betrayed  him" — His  old  friend 
Beelzebub  furely  muft  have  left  him  in  the 
lurch,  or  he  never  would  have  advanced  rea- 
fons  fo  fuperlatively  awkward  as  thefe — Pray- 
how  long  was  he  the  writer  of  Peter  Porcupine 
without  being  known  ?  He  muft  have  found 
congenial  fouls,  or  the  fecret  would  not  have 
b^en  referved  for  himfelfto  difclofe — Could  'not 
the  foreign  agent  who  employs  him,  or  a  number 
of  others  of  the  fiime  political  ftamp,  have  fur- 
nifhed  an  ainanuenfis  for  him  ?  Verily  Peter  thy 
friend  old  nick  is  withdrawing  his  craft  from 
thee  !  !  !  He  defies  any  one  to  produce  an  in- 
fiance  of  his  traduction  of  the  people  of  the  U.  S. 


—A  liar  as  well  as  a  rogue  ought  to  have  a 
good  memory — -Peter  boarts  of  the  goodnefs  of 
his ;  but  on  certain  occafions  it  is  very  treache- 
rous— In  his  "Little  Plain  Englifh"  we  find  the 
following  delicate  opinion  of  the  people  of  this 
Country — "  When  once  the  lower  orders  of  the 
people,  thofe  who  have  nothing,  begin  to  give 
law  to  thofe  who  have  fomething,  a  ftate  of  an- 
archy is  at  no  great  diftance" — Did  this  ruffian 
ever  read  the  Conflitution  of  the  U.  S.  ?  He 
certainly  did  not,  or  he  never  would  have  clafT- 
ed  the  freemen  of  the  U.  S.  into  orders — Where 
are  the  lower  orders  of  the  people  among  us  ?  Is  it 
not  traducing  the  people  to  lligmatize  any  of 
them  as  lower  orders  ?  Is  it  not  a  libel  upon  our 
Conftitution  to  defignate  any  citizens  as  a  lower 
order  ?  If  we  have  lower  orders  among  us, 
this  fugitive  is  certainly  one  of  them ;  for  he 
confeffes  himfelf  that  he  has  nothing,  or  that 
he  "had  nothing  about  the  time  he  wrote  that 
pamphlet — How  dare  he  who  has  nothing,  ac- 
cording to  his  own  confeflion,  meddle  in  our 
political  controverfies  ?  If  money  is  to  be  the 
flandard  of  merit  or  of  citizenfhip,  Peter  will 
have  very  little  claim  to  either,  unlefs  indeed  his 
fubfidy  is  more  liberal,  than  his  grade  or  talents 
entitle  him  to. 

He  tells  us  that  he  has  "  received  letters 
of  thanks  and  congratulation  from  every  quar- 
ter of  the  Union,  even. from  Richmond  in  Vir- 
ginia."— Where  is  the  evidence  of  this?  Peter's 
word !  !  !  Would  any  man  of  common  probity 
take  his  word  after  his  detection  in  falfhood, 
and  when  he  knows,  that  his  "  works"  as  he 
ludieroufly  enough  ftiles  his  belchings,  are  a 
continued  drain  of  rancourous  abufe  of  the  al- 
lies of  the  United  States,  the  Republicans  of 


C     23     ] 

France  ?  If  he  has  received  letters  of  thanks  at 
all  (which  is  almoft  too  queflionable  to  make 
an  if  about)  they  mud  have  come  from  Briiiih 
emiflaries,  or  enemies  to  _pur, re  volution  ;  for 
no  friend  to  the  revolution  would  thank  him. 
for  vilifying  thofe  who  were  inftru  mental  in 
its  profperous  iffue — -This  aiTertion  carries  falf- 
hood  upon  the  face  of  it — How  could  he  receive' 
letters  of  thanks  when  he  was  unknown  ?  It  is  a 
well  known  faft,  that  till  he  took  a  confpicu- 
ous  ftand  as  a  bookfeiler,  the  people  of  this 
City,  much  lefs.thofe  at  diftance,  knew  not 
v/hether  he  was  an  highwayman,  or  a  burglar,  an 
aurang-outang,  or  an  Hottentot — He  tells  us 
himfelf  that  the  difcovery  of  the  author  of  Pe- 
ter Porcupine  was  refer ved  for  the  month  of 
June  1796. — To  whom  then  were  the  letters  of 
thanks  directed  ?  To  an  anonymous  writer  ?  A 
man  unknown — This  is  too  fanciful  to  be  be- 
lieved now  the  days  of  chivalry  are  paft.  To 
thofe  who  know  the  perfonal  feelings  of  the  man 
it  will  appear  the  .extremeft  hyperbole  ;  for  till 
very  lately  he  was  agonized  at  the  idea  of  being 
difcovered — His  fears  have  not  yet  forfaken 
him,  altho'  he  had  demonitration  enough,  that 
"  the  dregs  of  mankind"  "  the  populace"  feel 
too  much  contempt  for  him  to  make  him  keep 
clofe  houfe — He  tells  us  further  that  he  has  "  re- 
ceived offers  of  fervice  from  perfons  of  the  fir  ft 
confequence  in  divers  towns  and  countries,  per- 
fons whom  he  never  faw  or  heard  of  previous 
to  their  communications" — We  have  not  heard 
lately  of  any  gangs  in  the  United  States,  and 
we  Ihould  be  indebted  to  Peter  Porcupine  to 
make  the  communications  public,  that  the  per- 
fons and  property  of  the  citizens  might  be  fe- 
cured — Secret  communications  of  this  fort  are 


E   24   ] 

no  doubt  made  from  men  of  the  fame  complex- 
ion to  each  other,  and  thus  far  credit  may  be  gi- 
ven to  his  ^precious  confejfions" — A  BAGSHOT 
may  be  wanting  to  encourage  timid  fpirits,  and 
a  Britifh  Corporal,  therefore,  might  be  fuppofed 
to  poflefs  qualities  to  entitle  him  to  "  offers  of 

fervice"-**'What  a  pity  his  confcience  does  riot 
prick  him,  that  he  might  turn  State  evidence  ! 
'<• — "  Let  any  fawning  fcribbier  en  liberty  and 
equality  produce  fuch  tcjlimony  if  he  can"— It  is  to 
their  honor  indeed  that  they  cannot, 

<c  Again  the  cut  throat  fays  I  have  grofsly 
abufed  our  allies  the  French — This  is  falfe— 5y 
the  'Treaty  made  between  this  country  and  the 
King  of  "France,  the  French  nation  is,  in  my  opinion 
no  more  the  ally  of  the  U.  S.  than  the  Chinefe  are" 
—Here  is  an  opinion  that  founds  well  in  the 
inouth  of  a  Brttijh  Corporal,  and  a  friend  to  the 

federal  government  and  the  Prefident  of  the  U.  S. 
The  government  has  declared  that  treaty  to  be 
binding  upon  the  U.  S.  but  Peter  Porcupine 
fays  the  French  nation  is  no  more  the  ally  of  the 
U.  S.  than  the  Chinefe  ate !— Here  we  mud  be 
at  a  lofs  which  to  be  aftortifhed  at  mod,  his  ex- 
treme impudence,  or  his  extreme  profligacy, 

.  This  fellow  has  abufed  the  citizens  of  the  Unit- 
ed States  for  their  oppofitlon  to  the  meafures  of 
the  adminiftration,  and  yet  he  has  the  audacity 
to  come  forward  and  libel  this  adminiftration 
himfelf,  by  giving  a  direct  He  to  their  decifion  ; 
Where  was  Peter  during  the  American  revolu- 
tion ?  Perhaps  in  the  Britifli  army  fighting 
againfl  America  and  her  allies — Is  it  to  be  won- 
dered at  then,  that  he  could  declare  an  inftru- 
ment  invalid,  made  with  a  nation,  who  aided 
us  in  fupporting  our  Independence  ?  He  would 
no  doubt  exterminate  that  nation  as  well  as  the 


C   *s   ] 

Treaty, -for  having  embarked  in  the  caufe  oi 
-American  Independence.  This  is  the  rub — 
-His  object  appears  to  be  to  write  down  all  thofe 
men  who  aided  in  rendering  us  independent, 
not  at  prefent  in  the  views  of  the  Britim  Court, 
and  to  bring  the  Revolution  itfeH  into  difgrace. 
Hence  his  abufe  of  Franklin  and  of  Painey  and 
hence  his  inveteracy  againft  the  Republicans  of 
France.  It  is  very  obvious,  from  this  declara- 
tion, that  he  would  involve  us  in  a  war  with 
France,  to  morrow,  if  he  could,  and  yet  he 
vaunts  of  his  attachment  to  our  Country  and 
,to  our  Constitution  ! 

Who   authorized  a  Brltijh  Corporal  to   pro- 
nounce  upon  our   national  compacts  ?     Is  this 
effrontery    grateful    to  Americans  ?     Whatever 
may    be  the  political  mode  of  thinking  of  an 
American,  can  he  relifh  fuch  prefumption  ?  Has 
the  Prefiuent  authorized  him  to  judge  of  our  na- 
tional  engagements   in   his  abfcnce,  that  he  is 
thus  tree  in   his  decifions  ?       Let  this  King-bird 
cackle  the  praifes  of  Louis  and  his  "calumniat- 
ed Antoinette"   till  he  is  out  of  breath,  it  would 
be  belittleing  an  American  citizen  to  inteifere 
in  his  induigencies  ;    but  let  his  cacklmgs  be 
confined   to  the  eulogies  of    kings  and  queens, 
and    not  extend    to  American  treaties.     I  am 
willing  the  perfidies  of   Louis,  and  the  debau- 
cheries   of    Antoinette    ihould  be  buried  with 
them,  and  it  illy  becomes  a  Br itifh  foldier,  who 
woufd  have  exterminated  them  both  before  the 
Revolution,  now  to  come  forward  as  their  cham- 
pion— Nothing,  however,   is  too  abject  and  -   o 
abfurd  for  Peter  Porcupine.  Of  his  "  calumniated 
Antoinette,  the  queen  of  France,"  Belfham  in 
his  reign,  of  George  the  third  gives  the  follow- 
D 


L    26   ] 

ing  charatfer,"  "  Diffblule  in  her  manners,  un- 
principled in  h:r  morals',  faithlefs  in  her  ••promifcs9 
this  Prineeis  wanted  only  the  talents  of  her  pre- 
deceffor  Catherine  of  Medicis,  to  be  as  illu-ftri- 
ouilv  diflliiguifhcd  for  guilt."  Who  \vill  not  he 
extol  and  who  will  not  he  abufe  next  !  I  ihould 
not  be  furprized  to  find  an  eulogium  upon 
BLACKBEARD,  the  celebrated  pi-rate,  iffuing 
from  the  prefs  of  Peter  Porcupine. 

PETER  fays  that  "  his  works  are  almofl  the  only 
works  in  the  United  States ;"  what  a  blefled  ef- 
fect of  our  penal  code!  Since  the  reformation 
cf  our  penal  laws  Peter  Porcupine's  works  have 
become  the  only  works  in  the  United  States  ! 
It  is  unneceffary  to  travel  to  the  dominions  of 
Tufcany  for  evidence  of  the  good  effects  of  the 
mildnefs  but  certainty  of  punifhment ;  for 
Pennfylvania  affords  an  illuflrious  example — 
Here  none  but  the  works  of  Peter  Porcupine  are 
to  be  found  !  It  is  to  be  hoped,  that  ere  long, 
even  his  labours  will  be  transferred  along  fi>Je  of 
others  of  a  like  defcription  within  the  peniten- 
tiary enclofure — It  appears  that  even  in  his  be- 
loved Mother  Country,  his  works  turned  out 
to  as  little  account  as  his  firft  fale  of  Peter  Por- 
cupine, unlefs  indeed  the  vis  a  tergo  could  be 
viewed  as  an  advantage — In  France  his  evil  ge- 
nius again  purfued  him  ;  for  even  in  that  land 
of  "  cut-throats"  the  works  of  Peter  produced 
cacfe  for  repentance. 

The  abufive  and  contemptuous  manner  in 
which  this  reptile  fpeaks  of  Doctor  Franklin 
ought  certainly  to  excite  attention — It  is  a  key 
\vhich  will  unlock  the  whole  fecret  of  his  em- 
ployment— ic  Poor  Richard  and  old  light nin*  rod" 
— thcfe  are  the  epithets  applied  by  a  Britifh 
EmiiTary  to  the  parent  of  American  liberty  I ! 


C    =7'  ]. 

— Even  his  ftatne  does  not  efcape  him  ;  for  he 
fays  he  i;  deferves  to  be  tumbled  from  his  nich," 
and  this  too  for  the  warm  tcflimony  which  he 
has  left  behind  him  in  favour  of    GEORGE 
WASHINGTON!!     It   has    already  been  re- 
marked by  a  writer,  that  Peter  would  vilify  the 
Prudent,  as  much  as  he  does  Doctor  Franklin, 
did    not   prudential  motives  reflrain  him,  and 
this  oblique  faroafm  on  thePrefident  is  as  much 
a  proof  of  this  difpofitionas  hedifcovered,  when 
hefpoke  of  his  official  letters,  written  durirrgjthe 
war — On  being   afked  by  a  gentleman,  for  tlte. 
official  letters  of  General  Wamington  he  hand- 
ed  him  a  fcurvy  edition  of  them — The  perfon 
who    wifhed  to   make  the  purchafe  remarked, 
that   the  binding   of  the   books  was  bad — He 
replied  with  an  air  of  fovereign  contempt,  that 
//  was  like  ibc  matter  it  contained ! — Let  the  peo- 
ple judge  from  this  fample  what  the  fellow  would 
do,  if  he  were  not  retrained  by  confiderations 
of  another  kind  than  refpecl.     If  the  people  of 
the    United    States   can  tolerate  the  abufe  of  a 
Britijh  Corporal,  lavifhed  upon  one  of  their  fir  ft 
and   tried  patriots,    who  ferved  them  long  -.md 
faithfully,  their  revolutionary  virtues  mult  be 
in  the  wane — If  they  can  countenance  fuch  a 
man,  as  he  anerts  they  do,  we  need  no  further 
leftirnony  that  they  are  weary  of  their  Indepen- 
dence, ancl    confider   their   Republicanifm  as  a 
curfe — He  fcruples  not  to  direct  his  little  r.; 
againft  the  revolution  and  againft  republican 
and  the  man  who  can  countenance  fuch  ei~. 
mud   be  a  foe  to  both.     The  Congrefs  of   the 
United   States   decreed   honors  to  Frank! in  by 
wearing  njourhiug  for  him  after  his  death — the 
National    Allenibiy   of  France,  in   the  time  of 
rater's  beloved  Louis,  mourned  for  the  Icfs  of 


C    i*    3 

this  philofopher  and  patriot,  and  conveyed  their 
fympathy  in  a  letter  of  condolence  to  Congiefs ; 
the   American  Philofophical  Society  paid  a  tri- 
bute to  his  memory  by  appointing  one  of  their 
Members,  Doctor  Smith,  to  pronounce  an  eu- 
logium  upon   him — even  Mr.  BINGHAM,  who 
Peter  himfelf  ftiles  "  one  of  the  worthieft  men 
in  the  country,"   erected  a  flatue  to  him,  and 
yet  this  is  the  character,  whom  he  has  fele&ed 
for    his   Billingfgate   abufe  !  !— This  is   "  Poor 
Richard    that   angels   are  carrying   God  knows 
where"— This  is  "Old  Lightning  Rod"!!— 
This  is  the  •'  whore1  matter,  hypocrite  and  in- 
fidel"— This  is  the  man  who  "  cl  eated  the  poor 
during  his  life,  and  mocked  them  in  his  death*' ! 
His  virulence  againft  Doctor  Prieftley  is  eafily 
to  be  accounted  for — Doctor   Prieftley   is  .the 
friend  of  a  free  government,  and  this  is  enough 
to  make  him  an  object  of  Peter's  abufe— The 
Doctor's    character  is  irreproachable,   and  his 
literary  reputation  equal  to  any  philofopher's  of 
thj  prefent  day.     A  man  who  would  find  fault 
with  him  would  find  fpots  in  the  fun,  and  yet 
Doctor  Prieftley  has  had  the  honor  of  receiving 
the  mo  ft   filthy    abufe  from  Peter  Porcupine — 
and  why  ?  becaufe  he  is  not  the  devofed  tool 
of  the   Britifh  Government ;  becaufe  he  dared 
to  tn ink  as  a  Republican  ;  becaufe  he  is  a  man 
of  icience  and  liberality  who  has  embarked  in 
favour  of  the  rights  of  man  ;  becaufe  he  pof- 
fefles  an  enlightened  and  benevolent  mind,  de- 
vote.1  to  the  caufe  of  human  nature.     Thefe  are 
ample  reafons   for  the  "vinegar  and  gall"  oi  a 
Brilijh  Corporal. 

The  aflertion  which  Peter  made  ;  that  he  ow- 
ed "neither  the  State  nor  the  people  of  the 
State  a  farthing"  is  an  errant  falfhood ;  for 


C    *9    ] 

proof  can  be  made,  that  at  the  time  be  trade  the 
declaration^  he  owed  the  county  of  Philadelphia 
two  dollars  and  ten  cents  taxes — 1  he  col  It  dor, 
CAPTAIN  WcnLPi-K/r,  demanded  pay  mentor* 
that  time,  and  not  daring  now  to  refufe,  he 
paid  his  taxes — [,er  him  dciiy  this  if  he  dare — 
Callous  and  abandoned  as  he  may  be,  his  ef- 
frontery is  not  equal  to  it,  and  why  ?  Becr.ufe 
he  knows  the  proof  is  not  on  the  other  fide  the 
Atlantic. 

The  life  and  adventures  of  Peter  Porcupine, 
begin  \vith  his  hiitory  as  publifbed  in  the  Au- 
rora, by  a  wiiter  who  {tiled  himfelf  "Paul 
hog' — rlhis  relation  he  flatly  denies,  and 
endeavours  to  fupport  the  denial  by  an  epitcins 
of  his  life,  written  by  bimfdf,  a  certificate  from 
Edward  Fitzgerald,  and  a  copy  of  the  orders 
iifued  in  the  garrifon  of  Portfmouth,  on  the 
cay  of  his  difcharge.  As  ro  his  own  afiertions 
in  his  own  favour,  it  has  been  already  (hewn 
how  much  credit  is  due  to  them — A  man,  con- 
victed of  a  lie,  as  he  has  been,  can  expect  little 
charity  afterwards,  and  a  forger  of  letters 
can  eafily  turn  forger  of  certificates  of  recom- 
mendation. The  account  of  him  given  by 
*;PAUL  HEDGEHOG,"  has  the  appearance  of 
truth  about  it,  and  is  corroborated  by  Peter's 
own  account  of  himfelf:  He  tells  us  thai  his  fa- 
ther, and  grandfather  were  poor  men  ;  fuch 
was  the  poverty  of  his  parents,  that  they  could 
not  ailbrd  to  give  him  a  common  education. 
He  ran  away  from  his  father  and  enlilted  as  a 
common  foldier  in  the  54th  regiment  of  foot, 
when,  after  ferving  a  number  of  years,  he  v/as 
difcharged — Some  time  after  his  difcharge  he 
embarked  for  France  :  Where  did  he  get  mo- 
ney to  pay  his  pafiage  ?  It  will  be  remembered 


C    3°    3 

that  by  his  own  account  he  was  advanced  no 
higher  than  a  Corporal  in  the  Britifh  army. 
This  promotion  took  place  before  he  embarked 
for  America  where  he  remained  till  September 
1791  "  but  a  Corporal"  In  September  the  regi- 
ment to  which  he  belonged  was  fent  home ; 
he  landed  at  Portfmouth  on  the  third  of  No- 
vember, and  on  the  nineteenth  of  December  he 
obtained  his  difcharge — After  his  difcharge  it 
feems  he  was  made  a  Sergeant  Major,  for  he 
Cells  us  nothing  about  this  promotion,  till  he  is 
about  introducing  the  certificate  of  Edward 
Fitzgerald — While  he  was  in  "  this  new  world 
he  was  but  a  corporal"  and  from  the  time  of  his 
arrival  in  England  to  the  day  of  his  difcharge, 
forty-fix  days  only  elapfed.  Is  it  prefumeable  that 
during  fo  ihort  a  time  he  was  advanced  from  a 
Corporal  to  a  Sergeant  Major  ?  Rapid  promo- 
tions fometimes  take  place  during  a  war  ;  but 
in  time  of  peace  the  Britifli  army  is  not  known 
for  the  rapidity  of  promotion,  particularly  when 
there  is  nothing  but  poverty  as  the  recommen- 
dation. He  does  not  tell  us  where,  and  at  what 
lime,  he  was  promoted  to  a  Sergeant  Major ; 
nay,  he  does  not  even  breathe  that  he  ever  was 
made  a  Sergeant,  and  it  is  not  very  common  to 
make  Corporals  Sergeant  Majors  over  the  heads 
of  Sergeants.  The  ftory  and  the  certificate,  from 
his  own  narration,  muft  be  fuppofed  a  fabrica- 
tion, a  little  like  the  letter  fent  to  John  Oldden, 
and  a  little  like  the  ilory  of  the  taxes.  As  the 
emoluments  of  a  Corporal  in  the  Britifh  Army 
-are  not  very  great,  and  as  he  confeffes  that 
fome  of  his  wages  were  appropriated  towards 
obtaining  books  from  a  circulating  library, 
whence  did  he  derive  money  to  pay  his  pafTage 
to  France  ?  Where  did  he  get  money  to  pay 


"[    3« 

his  board  during  the  fix  months  he  remained  in 
France  ?  He  does  not  inform  us  how  he  main- 
tained bimfelf  in  France,  and  it  is  prefumeable 
that  his  earnings  in  the  Britifh  Army  were  not 
fufficient ;  how  then  can  \ve  ditcredit  the  rela- 
tion of  Paul  Hedgehog  ?  From  what  fund  did 
he  draw  his  paifage  money  for  coming  to  Ame- 
rica ?  We  cannot  fuppofe  that  he  obtained  a 
pafiage  to  this  country  gratis ;  from  whence 
then  was  this  money  derived  ?  There  is  ibme- 
thing  very  dark  about  all  this  Peter,  which  ar- 
gues very  ftrongly  in  favour  of  Paul  Hedgehog. 
A  man  could  not  live  three  months  in  En- 
gland, the  period  of  time  between  his  difcharge 
and  departure,  go  from  thence  to  France,  tra- 
vel many  miles  in  that  country,  live  there  fix 
months,  and  finally  come  over  to  America,  up- 
on nothing — And  yet  Peter  did  all  this,  and  con- 
fefles  he  was  poor,  and  nothing  more  than  a 
Corporal  in  the  Britifn  army.  Tales  like  thefe 
may  pafs  down  fuch  throats  as  Johnny  Bull's, 
but  Americans  have  not  fo  large  a  fwallow — 
they  are  not  like  Shakefpear's  black fmith,  open 
mouthed  and  ready  "  to  devour  a  Corporal's 
news." 

Peter  tells  us  a  cock  and  a  bull  ftory  about  his 
father's  penchant  for  the  American  Revolution, 
from  which  I  fuppofe  he  means  to  derive  credit 
to  himfelf ;  but  this  llory  is  hit  own,  and  has  not 
fufficient  marks  of  authenticity  to  prove  that  he 
was  not  nurfed  in  the  lap  of  ariftocracy.  "A  liar  is 
not  to  be  believed  though  he  fpeaks  the  truth"  is 
an  old  adage,  andasPeterhaseftablifned  a  reputa- 
tion which  will  bear  the  application  of  the  adage, 
he  mult  not  c;  drench  me  with  vinegar  mixed 
with  gall"  if  I  cttfcredit  him — indeed  I  am  en- 
"titled  to  his  forgivenefs  \  for  he  fays  himfelf, 


[    V    3 

that  v*  as  to  politics,  we  were  like  the  red  of  the 
country  people  in  England  ;  that  is  to  fay,  we 
neither  knew  nor  thought  any  thing  about  the  mat- 
ter" and  yet  he  tells  us  his  father  was  ci  fo 
Haunch  an  American,  that  he  would  not  have 
fuffered"  his  belt  friends  to  drink  fuccefs  to  the 
•king's  arms  at  his  table"  !  ! !  This. to  be  fure  is  a 
good  one,  but  this  is  nothing  for  Peter.  His 
father  mud  have  been  as  much  interefied  in  the 
American  Revolution  as  Peter  is  in  the  caufe  of 
Republicanifm  ;  as  his  father  "  neither  knew  nor 
thought  any  thing  about1'  the  one,  he  neither 
knows  nor  thinks  any  thing  about  the  other,  and 
thus  far  he  may  be  fuid  to  be  a  chip  of  the  old 
block.  It  fhall  not  be  my  talk  to  rake  up  the 
afhes  of  his  "  honoured  and  beloved  parent," 
that  he  ran  away  from,  and  treated  with  the 
-groffeft  difobedience  and  difrefpecl.  "De  mortuis 
nil  nifi  bonum"  (hall  be  my  maxim,  although  he, 
with  the  malignity  of  an  aflaffin,  defcends  into 
the  conftcrated  tomb,  and  feeds  upon  the  dead 
with  the  voracity  of  a  tiger. 

Peter  "  hopes,  that  he  may  prefume  his  cha- 
racter will  be  looked  upon  as  good  down  to  the 
date  of  his  difcharge.  This  is  preemption,  in- 
deed, after  what  has  pafled.  If  he  had  inferted 
Corporal,  inftead  of  Sergeant  Major  in  the  certifi- 
cate and  the  orders,  and  if  he  had  given  an  ac- 
count how  he  maintained  himfelf  in  Eng'anl 
and  France  after  his  difcharge,  there  would  have 
been  a  better  foundation  for  his  prefumption  ; 
but,  at  prefent,  it  (lands  upon  very  flippery 
ground.  His  travels  and  voyages  without  money ', 
and  his  promotion  to  the  rank  of  a  Sergeant  Ma- 
jor after  he  was  difcharged,  may  make  the  world 
prefume  that  Paul  Hedgehog 'ha*  looked  ir-on 
him  with  an  accurate  eye,  lie  thinks  it  "  not 


[     33     ] 

neccffan  to  fay  how  the  three  months  were  employed" 
in  England,  after  hi.  difcharge,  we  are,  there- 
fore, at  full  liberty  to  draw  our  own  conciu- 
iions,  as  he  is  either  afraid  or  afhamed  to  give 
an  account  of  himfelf.  He  will  not  fpeak  for 
himfelf,  and  therefore,  Paul  Hedgehog  mud 
fpeak  for  him — 

"  Peter  (land  forth,    T  dare  thee  to  be  tried, 

*'  In  that  great  court  where  confidence  mull  prefide." 

Infpeaking  of  PAINF,  the  author  of  Common 
Senfe,  the  Crifes,  the  letters  to  Howe,  &c,  writ- 
ten during  the  American  Revolution,  hefpeaks 
of  a  "  Run-away^  a  Ihief^  a  Tom  Paine,"     Why 
fuch  impotent  and  fcavenger  like  abufe  cf  Mr. 
Paine?  There  is  nothing  in  his  hl'lory  or  cha- 
racter   which  renders  him  a  fit  object  of  fuch 
miferable   fcurrility.     Whence  then  this  "vi- 
negar mixed  with  gall"  as  Peter  terms  it ;  but 
which  I  fhould  term  Switie's Jwfit  mixed  v/ith 
jlujk.     Paine   diftinguiihed  himfelf  during  the 
American  Revolution.     Such  was  his  acknow- 
ledged indrumentality  in  accomplishing  our  In- 
dependence, that  feveral  of  the  States  compli- 
mented him  with  tracts  of  "land.     His  zeal  was 
great   and  he  was  able  and  indefatigable  in  his 
means.     To   have  been  an  American  Patriot  is 
fufficient  to  draw  down  the  ire  of  a  Britifh  Cor- 
poral.     But  this  is  not  all.      Paine  wrote  the 
Rights  of  Man,  a  work  of  great  merit.     This 
work  was  read  with  an  avidity  in  England,  that 
made    old    defpotifm    tremble.     The    miniftry 
thought  the  author  ought  to  be  filenced,  and 
commenced   a  profecution  againft  him.     Now 
the  iecret  is  out.     Peter  dare  not  eat  the  bread 
of  idlenefs.     He   mud  give  fatisfaction  to  his 
employers,  and  if  he  can  difcredit  Paine,  it  will 

E 


[     34     ] 

anfwer  a  better  purpofe  than  a  profecution.  He 
may  then  write,  but  nobody  will  read,  and  the 
miniflry  will  be  revenged.  Is  not  this  true,  Pe- 
ter ?  You  may  boali:  of  your  Republicanifm  as 
you  do  of  your  honeily ;  but  it  won't  do,  the 
people  can  fee  your  long  ears  peeping  out  of  the 
lion's  (kin. 

Peter  fojourned  fix  months  in  France,  and 
he  acknowledges,  that  he  "  met  every  where 
with  civility,  and  even  hofpitality  in  a  degree 
that  he  had  never  been  accuflomed  to."  Un- 
grateful wretch !  To  iligmatize  a  nation  as 
"  cut  throats  and  robbers*'  that  treated  you  fo 
kindly !  What  muft  the  citizens  of  the  United 
States  fuppofe  of  this  man  after  fuch  a  confef- 
Hon  !  The  principles  and  feelings  which  actuate 
him  are  no  longer  concealed  ;  like  JUDAS  he 
would  betray  his  mafler  for  thirty  pieces  ofji/ver.. 
He  denies  that  he  ever  fpoke  difrefpedfully  of 
the  people  of  the  United  States  ^  but  who  will- 
believe  this  aflertion,  or  indeed  any  a-lTertion  he 
could  make,  after  his  abandoned  tradudion  of 
the  French  People,  who  every  where  treated 
him  with  civility  and  hofpitality  in  a  degree 
that  he  had  never  been  accuftomed  to  ?  As  a 
reward  for  their  civility  and  hofpitality,  Peter 
ferves  up  this  fame  people  with  the  mofl  rancor- 
ous abufe,  the  mofl  contumelious  epithets, 
and  exerts  the  talents  and  proftitution  of  a  Ju- 
das to  cover  them  with  opprobrium  and  guilt ! 
Such  a  wretch  would  "  thrufl  his  faviour  from 
the  wall."  What  may  not  the  people  of  Ame- 
rica expedt  when  he  again  returns  to  his  native 
Ihore  ! 

Peter  infmuates  that  he  "  had  imbibed  prin- 
ciples of  Republicanifm"  and  that  thefe  princi- 


r  35  3 

pies  drove  him  to  America.  Shakefpeare  fays 
<c  the  Devil  himfelf  can  cite  fcripture  for  his 
purpofes,"  and  may  not  Peter  profefs  Republi- 
canifm  for  his  ?  Let  us  examine  into  his  repub- 
lican principles,  and  \ve  mail  find,  that  like 
his  integrity,  they  are  vox  et  preterea  nihil. 
In  fpeaking  of  the  people  of  France,  he  kC  ven- 
tures to  predict,  that  fooner  or  later,  ibty  will  re- 
turn to  that  form  of  Government  undsr  which  they 
*were  happy,  and  under  which  alone  they  can  ever 
fafoagain"  What  a  republican  fentiment !  The 
people  of  France  can  be  happy  only  under  a  ctef- 
potifm !  Peter  no  doubt  thinks  the  people  of 
this  Country  can  be  happy  only  under  that  form 
of  Government  from  which  they  revolted ; 
but  as  he  is  in  America,  and  has  certain  pur- 
pofes  to  anfwer,  he  has  not  yet  blundered  out 
this  opinion.  But  what  kind  of  a  Republican 
mud  he  be,  who  is  of  opinion,  that  a  nation 
can  only  be  happy  under  a  defpotifm — under  a 
government  of  Baftiles  and  lettres  de  cachets  ? 
Peter  has  annexed  fonie  new  definition  to  the 
term,  which  we  do  not  underftand  here;  to 
comprehend  his  meaning,  therefore,  we  muft 
refort  to  the  context  of  his-  works,  and  then  we 
ihall  difcover,  that  his  principles  of  Republican- 
ifm  will  fuit  Algiers,  or  Morocco,  Rufiia,  or 
Turkey.  What  a  let  of  accommodating  princi- 
ples for  a  fpy !  What  a  comfortable  Gullibility 
for  a  diplomatic  fcavenger !  His  uniform  fneers 
at  the  "  fovereign  people"  as  he  in  derifion  terms 
them;  the  courteous  terms  of  "  dregs,  mob, 
lower  orders,  &c.  which  he  in  lavifh  bounty  be- 
ftows  upon  the  citizens  of  the  United  States, 
fpeak  loudly  in  favour  of  his  having  "imbibed 
Republican  principles"  !  !  ! 


C   36    ] 

Peter  fays  he  "  never  was  at  Paris,  as  be  can 
prove  by  the  receipts  for  his  board  and  lodg- 
ing." This  is  admirable  proof  indeed!  His  own 
word  that  he  was  not  there,  and  if  his  own  word 
will  not  do,  he  can  produce  receipts  ready  cut 
and  dry  for  the.purpofe.     Peter  can  prove  that 
jhe  was  kmbafiavlQr  to  the  grand  Signior  by  the 
fame  ;:!ie;  for  as  he  has  the  nack  of  manufac- 
turing; proofs,  he  never  can  be  at  a  lofs.     He 
hire^   a  coach  to  go  there,  and  pray  where  did 
ht  get  the  money  frorn  to  pay  for  it?  His  pay  as 
a  Corporal  in  the  Britifh  army  certainly  did  not 
furnifh   him    with  the  means    to  hire  coaches. 
He  is  very  in  lulgent  to  his  readers;  for  he  leaves 
them  to  fupply  the  chafms  which  dire  neceffity 
obliged  him  to  make  in  the  hiftory  of  his  life  and 
ad-ventures.     This  is  very  kind  in  him  ;  for  they 
may  have  an  occasional  confutation  with  Peter's 
acquaintance  Paul  Hedgehog,  who  feems  f ally 
competent  to  fill  the  niches. 

And  now  for  the  letter  from  Mr.  Jefferfon, 
and  what  does  this  prove?  That  his  benevo- 
lence would  have  led  him  to  take  a  viper  into 
his  boforn,  which,  when  warmed  by  his  heat, 
would  have  flung  him  to  death.  1  congratulate 
Mr.  JeiFerfon  on  his  fortunate  efcape.  His  pro- 
perty  and  perlbn  have  both  had  an  efcape.  The 
man  who  would  difgorge  fuch  venom  againft  a 
people,  who  "treated  him  with  civility  andhof- 
pitatity  in  a  degree  that  he  had  never  been  ac- 
cudomed  to,"  would  have  ftuck  his  fangs  into 
Mr.  j  fferfon  the  moment  opportunity  oifered  ; 
with  fuch  a  man  honor  is  but  a  name,  and  honefty 
n  bubble.  An  American  conful  has  lately  been 
bufily  employed  in  giving  parTports  for  France 
to  Brltijh  emiffaries^  and  is  it  inconceivable  that 
an  American  agent  might  have  been  found  in 


C    37     3 

Holland  equally  in  the  Britifh  intereft,  I  will  not 
arraign  Mr.  SHORT'S  motives.  I  could  wilh, 
however,  the  man  he  recommended  did  not  ren- 
der them  fufpicious. 

Peter  has  now  brought  himfelf  to  the  United 
States,  and  here  let  us  attend  him,  it  will  be  rare 
iport;  for  on  the  threshold  he  mows  his  cloven 
foot.  Dr.Prieftley  is  again  his  mark — "  His  land- 
ing was  nothing  to  me,  fays  Peter,  nor  to  any 
body  elfe ;  but  the  fulfome,  confequential  ad- 
dreiTes,  fent  him  by  the  pretended  patriots,  and 
his  canting  replies,  at  ance  calculated  to  flatter  the 
people  here,  and  to  degrade  his  country  and  mine, 
was  fomething  to  me."  It  has  been  remarked 
before  that  Peter  is  not  the  friend  of  "  the  people 
here"  and  here  is  proof  pofitive  of  it — If  he 
"  was  ambitious  to  become  a  citizen  of  a  free 
flare,"  what  were  his  objections  that  the  free 
citizens  of  that  ilate,  which  he  fought  as  an  afy- 
lurn,  mould  be  flattered  ?  He  thought  "  that 
men  enjoyed  a  greater  degree  of  liberty  here 
than  in  England,"  why  then  did  he  ftill  con- 
fid  er  England  as  his  country  after  his  arrival 
here,  and  after  he  had  made  this  country  his 
choice  ?  If  the  people  here  were  in  a  preferable 
ftate,  they  were  entitled  to  commendation ,  and 
it  mows  a  malignity  of  difpolition  to  envy  it 
them.  If  he  had  forfaken  England  to  take  up 
his  refidence  here,  this  was  his  country,  and  to 
call  another  country  his,  manifefts  his  fecret 
averfion  from  ours,  and  proves,  that  in  a  collifion 
between  the  two,  he  would  a^ain  mount  his 
moulder  knot  in  the  fervice  of  ^his  king.  His 
gall  overflows  whenever  the  people  of  this  coun- 
try are  fpoken  of  with  refpecl,  and  although  he 
fpmeiKftes  affech  to  diftinguifh  between  them,  it 
is  too  obvious  that  he  lumps  them  together  in  a 


C    38    3 

mafs,  as  fit  objects  for  his  fpleen.  To  flatter 
the  people  here  at  the  expence  of  John  Bull, 
was  treafon  in  the  eftimation  of  this  high  prieii: 
of  Moioch,  and  he  would  ftretch  Dr.  Prieftley 
upon  a  bed  of  torture  to  revenge  himfelf  for 
it.  This  is  one  among  other  reafcns  that  I  have 
already  enumerated  for  his  extreme  defire  t®  be 
the  executioner  of  this  great  and  good  philofo- 
pher.  Had  the  people  of  this  country  ftill  con- 
tinued under  the  deipotifm  of  his  mother  coun- 
try Dr.  Prieftley  would  have  efcaped  his  malig- 
nity for  flattering  them. 

What  had  a  Britim  Corporal  to  do  with  ad- 
drefies  to  Dr.  Prieftley  ?  Surely  he  does  not 
mean  to  fet  himfelf  up  as  inquifitor  general  of  the 
United  States,  as  he  has  already  created  him- 
felf interpreter  general  of  treaties !  If  he  means  to 
thruft  the  Prefident  out  of  his  duties,  he  ought 
in  mercy  to  fpare  the  people,  and  at  leaft:  allow 
them  the  privilege  of  thinking  and  acting  for 
themfelves  in  the  trifling  affair  of  an  addrefs. 
He  talks  of  the  aflumption  of  Democratic  So- 
cieties ;  but  really,  granting  all  he  fays  of  them, 
they  have  many  fteps  •td.aicend  before  they 
reach  his  height  of  arrogance  and  infolence.  . 

He  feems  to  feel  more  againfl  Mr.  Carey  than 
he  dare  exprefs.  "My  lad"  cankers  his  new 
born  confequence ;  and  if  he  could  get  Mr.  Carey 
in  a  dark  and  fly  corner,  I  would  not  anfwer  for 
the  confequences.  Was  Mr.  Carey  to  blame  for 
his  contemptuous  treatment  of  him  ?  Let  any 
man  of  common  difcernment  furvey  his  "  red 
head)  his  lower  ing  brow,  his /cowling  countenance, 
his  brawny  figure"  and  by  what  other  term  than 
"  my  lad''  could  he  accofl  a  wretch  who  looked 
like  'jack  Ketch?  It  was  a  proof  of  Mr.  Carey's 
penetration,  and  he  deferves  credit  for  it. 


I     39     ] 

Becaufe  he  was  called  "my  lad"  " he ivifted for 
another  yellow  fever  toftrike  the  City  !  !  Gracious 
God  1  did  nature  ever  produce  fuch  another 
Monfter!  I  have  heard  of  cannibals,  gorgons, 
furies,  devils  ;  but  excepting  NERO,  who  fet 
Rome  on  fire,  and  fiddled  during  the  conflpgra- 
tion,  I  never  met  with  a  character  befo/e  of  (uch 
coniummate  depravity.  He  lufoed  for  anotbcr 
yellow  fever  io  Jlrikc  lie  City!!  Citizens  of 
Philadelphia,  Citizens  of  America  lend  an  at- 
tentive ear  !  This  is  the  man,  wibQk  philanthropy 
has  brought  him  forward  as  a  champion  of  your 
administration  and  your  Conftitution  !  What 
mud  be  that  adminiftration,  or  that  Conftitution 
which  needs  fuch  an  advocate !  This  man,  like 
Eroftratus  who  fet  the  temple  of  Ephefus  on  fire 
to  give  himfelf  a  name,  is  determined  to  become 
famous  for  his  infamies.  He  feems  to  be  the 
very  focus  of  corruption. 

As  to  his  infinuations  againft  Mr.  Bradford, 
they  are  merited.  When  a  man  will  have  in- 
terccurfe  with  fuch  a  being  as  Peter  Porcupine, 
he  deferves  all  that  he  chufes  to  fay  of  him. 
That  Mr.  Bradford  put  a  coat  en  his  back  cannot 
admit  of  a  doubt.  Peter  proves  it,  and  therefore 
it  mufl  be  true  ;  and  for  this  coat  put  upon  his 
back  he  has  endeavoured  to  put  a  bliftering 
plaifter  upon  Mr.  Bradford's.  This  is  his  ufual 
way  of  requiting  his  friends.  That  a  whig  which 
Mr.  Bradford  no  doubt  was,  mould  have  given 
countenance  to  fuch  a  ruffian,  has  more  than 
once  excited  aftonifhment,  and  now  he  is  reward- 
ed for  his  apoftacy,*  as  well  as  for  the  coat  he  put 

*  //  is  an  odd  idea^  that  fome  people poffefs ,  that  a  Printer 
cannot  publi/Jj  a  book  or  pamphlet,  but  ke  nuift  be  of  thai' 
feet,  party  erf  act  ion  and  adopt  all  the  different  notions  pn- 


[     40     1 

on  his  back,  and  the  bread  which  he  put  in  his 
mouth,  before  the  fubfidy  commenced.  He 
would  have  died  in  a  ditch  had  he  not  received 
Mr.  Bradford's  fupport,  or  have  become  charge- 
able to  the  parifh. 

mulcted  therein,  be  they  ever  fo  abfurd ;  andifanyofthefe 
"Wife acres  fupp&fe  (as  our  author  pretends  to  do)  that 
this  fame  printer  was  once  of  a  contrary  opinion,  though  all 
the  proof  thsy  may  have  of  the  C.-'snge,  is,  that  he  has 
printed  a  book  cf  a  complcxkn,  different  to  the  'dens  they 
would  make  him  entertain,  they  think  they  have  a  right  to 
brand  him  with  the  title  0fApoftate,  Hater  of  Britain, 
or  any  other  epithet  their  ill  nature  might  dictate — Alas  / 
poor  printers,  hsw  often  are  ye  vilified  by  thefe  men  of 
Wifdom  ! 

As  our  author  has  granted  me  the  liberty  of  this  page,  far 
a  note,  I  ivould  beg  leave  to  tell  him  and  his  antagonijl  Peter, 
that  though  I  print  both  their  Lucubrations,  I  flail 
not  be  guided  by  either  and  that  I  approve  of  neither  cf  their 
political  principles,  though  could  I  make  them  contribute  to 
the  good  of  my  Country ,  or  without  injury  to  that,  to  the 
emolument  ofmyjt'lf,  no  one  would  blame  me  for  fo  doing — 
That  I  have  made  life  of  the  Britijh  Corporal — Oh!  I  ajk 
pardo?i,  Sergeant  Major — -for  a  good  purpofe  I  have  little 
doubt — Dirty  Water  luill  quench  fire 

1  cannot  omit  this  opportunity,  as  perhaps  it  is  the  only 
one  I  may  ever  think  worth  embracing,  of  thanking  our 
Britifh  Corporal  for  his  intended  blifler plajfter  by  his  tarly 
difcovcry  to  the  World,  that  cf  all  the  Americans  he  had 
ever  converfed  with,  ( I  fear  then  Peter  thott  haft  converfed 
but  with  few  real  Americans,)  I  feem  to  entertain  the 
greateji  degree  of  rancour  againft  Great  Britain.  If  Mr. 
Peter  will  allow  me  to  foften  his  acrimonious  exprejfiony 
find  fay,  thai  he  hat  not  met  with  an  American,  who  more 
keenly  feels  the  wounds  his  country  has  received  from  Britain, 
or  that  is  more  fenfible  of  the  injuries  fte  is  continually 
endeavouring  to  heap  on  it ;  I  will  agree  with  him.  Though 
I  may  not  be  chrijlian  enough  to  love  my  enemies,  yet  I  may 
pray  for  them,  that  they  may  fee  the  error  of  their  ways, 
and  turn)  before  it  is  lev  late 


[     41     3 

Let  us  now  examine  Peter's  account  of  the 
products  of  his  work.  The  whole  amount  re- 
ceived from  Mr.  Bradford  was  four  hundred  and 
three  dollars  and  twenty  one  cents,  and  upon  this  he 
was  to  fubfift  himfelf  and  maintain  his  family 
from  the  year  1794,  to  the  year  1796,  accord- 
ing to  his  own  account.  Out  of  this  fum  he 
no  doubt  paid  theyz*  hundred  dollars  which  he 
advanced  to  his  prefent  ^landlord  towards  the 
firft  year's  rent,  furnifhed  a  book  (lore,  and 
certain  other  etceteras ! !  !  When  the  profits 
of  his  works  were  fo  immenfe,  who  would  fup- 
pofe  him  to  be  a  Brittfh  Spy,  in  the  pay  of  a 
royal  matter  ?  Peter  mud  excufe  me  for  cate- 
chifing  him  a  little  here.  I  mufc  do  it  in  fpite 
of  his  vinegar  mixed  with  gall.  Pray  out  of 
what  fund  did  you  draw  the  money  to  pay 

Were  my  ideas  of  Englifhmen  to  be  formed  from  my  little 
acquaintance  with  this  Britiflj  Corporal,  this  Hefted f ample 
of  gratitude,  honor ,  catholicifm,  good  humour  and  extreme 
•modejiy,  1  Jhould  have  little  reafon  to  take  any  of  them  to 
my  bofom  ;  but,  thank  Providence,  among  the  many  Emi- 
grants he  hasfent  among  us,  I  have  reafon  to  believe  inert 
are  few  ofworfe  hearts. 

Led  any  of  thefe  abufers  may  Jlill  go  on  with  their  epi-* 
thets  agfiinjl  the  Printer  of  this  effay,  I  would  wifh  fy 
mention  to  them,  once  for  all,  and  whifpcr  it  (as  you  know 
we  mutt  befecret)  in  the  ears  oj  Peter  and  timothy  ,  that 
whatever  may  be  their  opinion  orfarcafras,  that  as  a  Citi^ 
zen,  I  have  a  right,  and  will  enjoy  my  own  opinion y  and 
that  as  A  PRINTER  I fuall  endeavour  to  maintain  the 
Liberty  of  the  Prefs  and  thro  it  the  Liberty  of  my  Country, 
to  do  which  has  been  the  aim  and  glory  of  m\felf  and  prede- 
cejffbrs  for  upwards  of  one  hundred  years  ;  and  that  the  Li- 
berty of  the  United  States  of  America  mavfindasftrenucus 
advocates  in  my  pofterity,  for  a  thoufand  years  to  csmet  is 
the  prayer  of  the  publics  well  wijher, 

T.  BRADFORD. 
F 


r  4*  i 

your  landlord?  Who  was  your  banker  whan 
you  furnifhed  a  booldlore  ?  You  lived  in  En- 
gland three  months  without  any  acknowledged 
employment,  you  paffed  over  to  France,  hired 
coaches  in  that  country,  lived  there  fix  months, 
came  over  to  America,  lived  here  feveral  years, 
paid  fix  hundred  dollars  in  advance  for  houfe 
rent,  furnifhed  a  bookftore,  and  the  only  ac- 
count you  give  us  of  your  funds  for  all  this,  is 
four  hundred  and  three  dollars  and  twenty  one 
cents !  Riium  teneatis  amici !  ! .!  No  !  no  ! 
Peter  you  never  can  be  in  Britifh  pay.  With 
fuch  refources  as  yours,  it  would  be  abfurd  to 
fuppofe  it. 

Peter  fays  he  never  faw  any  Agent  of  the  Bri- 
tifh Government,  excepting  Mr.  Bond,  and 
him  he  only  faw  three  times  in  his  life,  and 
then  he  had  bufmefs  with  him  as  an  interpreter. 
Thofe  who  choofe  may  interpret  this  as  he  did 
the  French  Treaty.  Were  the  fubject  ferioufly 
at  ifTue,  I  could  produce  as  creditable  a  citizen 
as  any  in  Philadelphia  to  prove  that  a  foreign 
Agent  was  feen  frequently  goiag  into  his  houfe 
\vhen  he  lived  in  Callowhiil  Street.  What 
his  bufmfs  was  with  him,  1  will  leave  to  him 
to  explain.  It  would  be  indecorous  to  fay,  that 
he  had  affifted  Peter  with  the  fix  hundred  dol- 
lars which  he  advanced  towards  his  rent,  and 
had  furnifhed  him  with  the  philofopher's  ftone 
to  fupply  his  bookftore,  after  his  pofitive  denial 
that  he  is  not  the  journeyman  of  any  of  his 
Majefty's  Agents.  Perhaps  it  may  be  the  ufual 
etiquette  for  his  Britannic  Majefty's  Agents  to 
pay  vifits  to  Corporals,  and  the  vifits  which  he 
received  may  have  been  only  thofe  of  ceremony. 
If  this  be  fo,  Peter  mud  admit  that  it  fmells 


C     43     3 

ftrongly  of  equality  andfans-cidottifm,  indeed  too 
much  ib  for  a  man  of  bis  cut  to  fuhmit  to. 

Peter  plays  the  back  fword  at  Mr.  Bond— \ve 
imclerftand  hiiri,  and  they,  no  doubt,  under- 
ftand  each  other  *  *  *  *  * 

Ci  When  a  foreign  government  hires  a  wri- 
ter, it  takes  care  that  his  labours  fhall  be  diftri- 
buted."  Very  true  Peter,  and  God  knows 
care  enough  has  been  taken  to  diflribute  your 
labours.  My  word  for  it,  your  labours  would 
not  have  paiTed  beyond  the  purvieu  of  a  prin- 
ter's devil,  or  fome  pardoned  traitor,  or  lome 
hireling  of  the  defender  of  the  faith,  or  fome 
temple  confecrated  to  fecret  fer vices,  if  his  Ma- 
jefty's  agent  had  been  unmindful  of  them. 

"  Had  the  Minifter  of  Great  Britain  employ- 
ed me  to  write,"  continues  Peter,  ci  can  it  be 
fuppofed  that  he  would  not  furnifh  me  with  the 
means  of  living  well,  without  being  the  retailer 
of  my  own  works  ?  Very  true — Very  true  ; 
twelve  hundred  dollars  a  year  for  a  houfe,  a 
large  book  (lore  that  ftarted  up  like  a  mufhroom 
in  a  night,  a  good  coat  to  your  back  and  now 
and  then  a  gown  by  way  of  change,  are  paltry 
things  indeed.  A  man  of  fuch  fortune,  influ- 
ence and  talents  ought  to  have  the  Minh'ter's 
privy  purfe  at  lead  at  his  command.  Peter  is 
no  fubordinate  fellow — he  would  not  ferve  the 
King,  unlefs  he  was  decorated  with  all  the 
pomp  and  fplendor  which  attended  one  of  his 
Majefty's  Ministers  in  a  late  million  to  China. 
He  poflefies  too  much  military  pride,  and  alrho* 
he  ferved  as  a  Corporal  in  his  Magefty's  fervice, 
it  does  not  follow  that  he  is  always  to  ferve  him 
pour  1'amour  du  roi — What !  Peter  Porcupine 
in  the  fervice  of  fo  good  and  ib  wife  a  King,  and 
yet  ftand  "  behind  a  counter  to  fell  a  penknife, 


[     44     1 

or  a  quire  of  paper"  !  !  !  Why  his  Majefty 
would  think  himfelf  difgraced  by  this  ;  for  he 
makes  it  a  point  to  pay  all  his  agents  alike, 
from  a  minifter  plenipotentiary  down  to  a  fpy 
and  a  fcribbler  of  pamphlets.  There  are  no  grades 
in  his  fervice — he  has  no  fc&vengerj,  and  like 
Minifter's  Plenipotentiary,  they  are  all  furnifh- 
cd  with  the  means  of  living  well.  Peter's  rank 
in  life,  his  fortune  and  his  importance  all 
prove  that  he  cannot  be  in  Britifh  pay,  and 
when  to  thefe  are  added  his  felling  a  penknife 
and  a  quire  of  paper  behind  a  counter,  the  thing 
mud  appear  impoffible.  How  could  he  fell  pen- 
knives and  write  pamphlets  !  How  could  he  fell 
quires  of  paper  and  fcribble  on  them  himfelf! 

Befides  his  being  an  Englishmen  would   pre- 
vent his  being  ufeful.       This     "  would  operate 
mightily  again  ft  whatever  he  might  advance,  feeing 
the  unconquerable  prejudices  exi/ling  in  this  Country 
againft  Englifhmen."     Surely  then  he  cannot  be 
in  Britifh  pay.     In  looking  over  the  Scare  Crow 
we  find  thefe  words    <e  and  becaufe  I  am  wik 
ling  to  let  flip   no  opportunity  of  declaring  my 
refpecl  for  a  public,  from  whom*thofe  perform- 
ances have  ever,    from  the    publication  of  my 
fir  ft  effay  to  the  prefent  moment ',  met  with  the  mojl 
liberal  encouragement"       Again.       "  I  have  re- 
ceived letters  of  thanks  and  congratulation  from 
every  quarter  of  the  Union,  even  from  Richmond  in 
Virginia^  and  not  from  c»  Britifh  Agents/'    but 
from    Native   Americans,    real    lovers  of  their 
Country,         I    have    received    offers    of  fervice 
from  perfons  of  the  fir  ft  confequence  in  their  divers 
towns  and  countries,  perfons  whom  I  never  faw  or 
heard  of  previous  to   their  communications"  — 
And  yet  Peter  avowed  himfelf  to  be  an  En  glifl* 
man.     In  his  preface  to  "  A  Little  Plain    Ln* 


L    45     J 

glifh,"  we  have  his  own  word  for  his  being  an 
Englifhrnan.  Let  him  fpeak  for  himfeif — 
"  I  dare  fay,  the  reader  has  already  concluded 
that  the  author  of  Plain  Englifh  can  be  no  other 
than  an  Englifhman  ;  and  I  can  affure  him,  the 
further  he  advances ,  the  mere  will  he  be  confirmed 
in  his  opinion.  It  would  be  ufelefs  io  deny  the  fact. 
The  Democrats  have  loaded  me  with  every  name 
which  they  imagine  to  be  opprobrious  (but  of 
which  I  am  very  proud)  fuch  for  example,  as 
.Ariflocrat.  Kingfman,  Loyalift,  Royalift,  Cler- 
gyman, Englifhman  &c.  it  is,  therefore,  no  more 
than  fair  play  for  me  to  choofe  from  amongft 
them  that  which  fuits  me  bejl — Ertglijbm&n  is  the 
one  I  have  preferred  on  the  prefect  occafion"  It 
is  not  my  bufinefs  to  reconcile  fuch  incongrui- 
ties. Peter  avowed  himfeif  to  be  an  Engliflman  ; 
he  declares  that  he  met  with  the  greatefi  encou- 
ragement from  the  people  of  this  Country,  and 
yet  he  adduces  as  an  argument  that  he  is  not  in 
Britiih  pay,  becaufe  he  is  known  to  be  an  En- 
glifhman,  and  c:  the  unconquerable  prejudices  ex- 
ifting  in  this  country  would  ope  rate  weightily  agahift 
whatever  he  might  advance."  There  is  this  to 
be  faid  in  extenuation  of  this  mod  palpable  con- 
tradiction, that  the  two  pamphlets  were  written 
at  different  periods,  and  that  however  good  his 
memory  may  be,  it  cannot  retain  every  thing  i ! 
How  true  is  the  old  adage  that  a  liar  ought  to 
have  a  good  memory.  One  of  two  corro- 
laries  flows  inevitably  from  his  own  Abatement. 
Either  that  he  aflerted  a  faifhood  with  refpectto 
the  encouragement  and  patronage  he  received, 
.or  that  his  works  have  been  folded  into  the 
world  thro*  foine  fecret  agency,  and  that  he  is, 
by  means  of  the  fame  agency,  enabled  to  pay 
twelve  hundred  dollars  a  year  for  a  houfe,  and 


[     46     ] 

to  furnifh  a  book-ftore.       Peter  may  take  his 
choice  of  the  two  iniquities. 

Peter  fays  his  "  writings  have  had  no  other 
object  than  that  of  keeping  alive  an  attachment 
to  the  Confutation  of  the  United  States.,  and 
the  ineftimahle  man  who  is  at  the  head  of  the 
government."  If  the  people  of  this  country 
can  read  this  fentence  with  the  fame  compofure 
with  which  I  have  written  it,  it  will  be  well  for 
them.  A  Britifh  Corporal  keeping  alive  an 
attachment  to  our  Conftitution  is  really  a  good 
one! ! !  A  man  who  came  to  this  Country  penny - 
lefs  and  unknown,  without  a  fingle  evidence 
of  attachment  to  our  country,  a  mere  adventu- 
rer and  perhaps  a  fugitive  from  juftice,  keeping 
alive  an  attachment  to  our  Conftituiion,  is  one 
of  the  mod  unheard  of  infults  ever  offered  to 
an  enlightened  and  free  people.  The  Conftitu- 
tion of  the  United  States  was  the  will  of  the 
people  and  of  the  people  only  ;  who  told  Peter 
then,  that  it  wanted  extraneous  aid  to  keep  an 
attachment  to  it  alive  ?  Did  he  adventure  to  this 
Country  for  the  purpofe  of  interpreting  our 
Conftitution  as  well  as  our  treaties  ?  If  any 
thing  could  bring  our  conftitution  into  queftion 
it  would  be  fuch  an  advocate  ;  for  the  man  who 
could  panegyriie  the  Britifh  Government  with 
ail  its  mighty  mafs  of  iniquity  and  corruption, 
would  biaii  the  reputation  of  our  Conftitution 
the  moment  his  peftiferous  breath  came  into 
.contact  with  it.  Did  Peter  find  an  analogy 
between  the  two  in  principle,  influence  and  cor- 
ruption, that  he  has  turned  out  the  champion 
of  both?  The  one  is  a  Republic,  the  other  a 
Monarchy,  how  could  he,  then  be  a  friend  to 
both  ?  If  he  is  the  friend  of  a  Republic  how 
could  he  trumpet  the  praifes  of  a  Monarchy  ? 


C     47     3 

If  he  is  the  friend  of  a  Monarchy,  how  could  he 
turn  the  panegyrifl  of  a  Republic  ?  The  more 
this  faid  Peter  is    analized,  the  more  ahfurd, 
the  more  proffiigate  does  he  appear.     Principle 
can  have  nothing  to  do  with  fuch  a  man  who  is 
every  moment  at  war  with  himfelf.     The  decla- 
ration he  made  when  he  was  charged  with  in- 
juring the  caufe  he  had  efpoufed  by  his  writings, 
fhows  the  extent  of  his  principles.     His    reply 
was  "  that  he  did  not  care — that  he   intended  to 
change  fides  foon^  he  had  come  over  here  to  make 
money  out  of  us,  and  he  did  not  care  how  he  accom- 
plifoedit"     Left  this  fine  fpeech  might  be  fup- 
pofed  a  fabrication,  it  has  been  publicly  aflert- 
ed,   that  a   gentleman  of  the   City,  who   had 
been  lately  a  director  of  the  Bank  of  the  United 
States  and  a  man  of  unqueftionable  honor  and 
veracity  was  an  authority  for  it.       This  fpeech 
carries  probability  upon  the  face  of  it ;  for  the 
triumphs  of  the  French  Republic  in  Italy  and 
on  the  Rhine,  have  converted  many  a  member 
of  the  Britiih  Faction.     Peter  has  laboured  hard 
in  the  caufe  of  Mammon  without  effect.     Victo- 
ry has  ftill  been  the  order  of  the  day,  notwith- 
(tanding    his  pamphlets  and  his  prayers  ;  and 
now  he  thinks  it  time  to  change  fides  to  fave 
his  bacon  !  !  !  Alas  !  Poor  Peter  ! 

When  he  was  called  upon  by  the  tax-gatherer 
for  his  taxes  during  his  refidence  in  Callow  hill 
Street,  he  did  not  then  fpeakof  "  theineiiimable 
man  who  is  at  the  head  of  the  government" — 
He  reviled  every  man  in  the  government  from 
the  Prefident  to  the  Conftabie,  and  declared  that 
the  people  in  Great  Britain  poiTeiTed  more  free- 
dom than  we  do — This  has  been  aflerted  in  the 
public  prints,  and  altho'  he  chofe  to  deny  that 


C   48   J 

he  owed  taxes  he  did  not  dare  to  deny  the  6- 
ther  part  of  the  (lory.  His  filence  then  muft 
be  taken  as  a  coafefiloa  of  the  charge.  How 
ineftimable  the  Prefideat  mult  be  in  his  eyes, 
appears  alfo  from  the  contemptuous  manner  in 
which  he  fpoke  of  his  official  letters.  This  al- 
fo has  been  made  public,  and  among  his  deni- 
als this  has  not  been  included.  What  an  inef- 
timable man  is  he  who  is  at  the  head  of  the 
Government,  in  the  eftimation  of  Peter  Porcu- 
pine ! 

It  is  a  hardfliip  upon  Peter,  and  he  complains 
of  it  bitterly,  that  he  fbould  be  confidered  as  a 
foreigner,  not  entitled  to  all  the  privileges  of  an 
American — -When  he  was  difcharging  his  "  vi- 
negar mixed  with  gall"  againft  Mr.  Gallatin, 
he  feemed  to  have  lefs  companion  upon  foreign- 
ers. In  this  cafe  it  was  a  crime  to  be  a  foreign- 
er, and  his  little  phial  of  vengeance  was  pour- 
ed upon  the  devoted  head  of  Mr.  Gallatin,  for 
having  been  born  in  Geneva. 

It  feems  from  this  that  he  is  determined  no 
fore';y.'v.T  but  himfelf,  or  an  Engliflimaa  (hall 
be  privileged  to  give  an  opinion,  unlefs  indeed 
he  fhould  be  a  fycophant  or  an  hireling  of 
Great  Britain.  A  man  who  avows  himfelf  a 
foreigner  has  certainly  no  right  to  meddle  in  our 
politics,  and  as  Peter  (till  claims  Great  Britain 
as  his  country,  it  is  the  height  of  impertinence 
to  dare  to  offer  his  opinions  on  the  men  and 
meafures  of  our  Country.  Hear  him,  my  rea- 
ders, and  judge  for  yourfelves.  "  And  if  I  have 
give  way  to  my  indignation  when  a  hypocriti- 
cal political  divine  (fpeaking  of  Doctor  Prieft- 
ley)  attempted  to  degrade  MY  COUNTRY,  or 
when  its  vile  calumniators  called  it  "  an  infu- 
lar  Baftilc,"  what  have  I  done  more  than  eve- 


ry  good  man  In  my  place  would  have  done? 
For  a  mm  in  place  under  a  government,  as  Pe- 
ter here  cqnfeiTes  he  is,  to  advocate  that  gov- 
ernment may  not  be  confidered  as  exceptiona- 
ble ;  but  the  impertinence,  lies  in  his  interfe- 
rence in  our  government.  It  will  be  remem- 
bered, that  at  the  time  his  gall  overflowed  in  his 
obfervations  againfl  Doclor  Prieflley,  his  belo- 
ved countrymen  were  combined  with  the  fava- 
ges  on  our  frontiers  to  aid  in  cutting  our 
throats ;  that  they  were  bufily  employed  in  rob- 
bing us  on  the  high  feas ;  that  they  had  fuc- 
ceeded  in  their  endeavours  to  let  locfe  the  Alge- 
rine  pirates  againfl  us ;  and  that  they  were  con-« 
cerned  in  many  other  a&s  of  humanity  and  good 
will  towards  the  United  States  and  at  this  ve- 
ry moment  his  indignation  was  excited  on  hear- 
ing his  Country  (not  America  where  he  lived  and 
enjoyed  protection)  fpoken  irreverently  of! 

He  afks  whether  he  has  done  more  than  his 
*6  duty"  in  doing  this  ?  It  is  certainly  the  duly 
of  a  man  in  his  place  to  ferve  his  employers ;  but 
was  it  a  part  of  his  duty  to  meddle  in  our  poli- 
tics, and  throw  his  {link  pots  at  the  patriots  of 
the  Revolution,  and  the  Republicans  in  Con- 
grefs  ?  If  this  conflituted  a  part  of  his  duty 
he  has  given  us  the  information  in  feafon.  We 
are  now  apprized  of  his  place,  his  duty  and  his 
Country. 

This  faid  Peter  Porcupine  is  made  up  of 
blunders.  He  blunders  upon  the  Editor  of  the 
Aurora  as  the  grandfon  of  Dr.  Franklin,  to 
whom  Voltaire  gave  his  blefling.  The  facl  is 
that  it  was  TEMPLE  FRANKLIN,  another  of  his 
grandfons.  Let  us  contraft  the  account  CON- 
',  in  his  life  of  Voltaire,  gives  of  the  in- 
G 


t  50  J 

tervjew  between  Dr.  Frankin  and  Voltaire,  with 
that  which  Peter  has  extracted  from  a  Britijh 
Magazine.  It  will  be  at  ieafl  amufmg  to  fee  the 
difference  of  opinion. 

"  At  this  fame  time,  Paris  boafted,  alfo, 
the  prefence  of  the  celebrated  Franklin,  who, 
in  another  hemifphere,  had  been  the  apoftle  of 
philofophy  and  toleration.  Like  Voltaire,  he 
had  often  employed  the  weapon  of  humour 
which  corrects  the  abfurdities  of  men,  and  had 
difplayed  their  perverfenefs  as  a  folly-more  fatal, 
but  alfo  worthy  of  pity.  He  had  joined  to  the 
fcience  of  metaphyfics  the  genius  of  practical 
philofophy;  as  Voltaire,  that  of  poetry.  Frank" 
II  n  bad  delivered  the  waft  countries  of  America  from 
the  yoke'  of  Europe;  (this  is  the  rub — eh!  Peter) 
and  Voltaire  had  freed  Europe  from  the  yoke  of 
the  ancient  theocracy  of  Afia.  Franklin  was  eager 
to  fee  a  man  whofe  reputation  had  long  been, 
ipread  over  both  worlds:  Voltaire,  although  he 
had  loft  the  habit  of  fpeaking  Englifli,  endea- 
voured to  fupport  the  converfation  in  that 
language  ;  and  afterwards  refuming  the  French, 
he  laid  "  Je  n'ai  pu  rcfifter  au  defir  de  parlerua 
moment  la  langue  de  M.  Franklin.'*  "  I  could 
not  refill  the  defire  of  fpeaking  the  language  of 
Mr.  Franklin  for  a  moment." 

"  The  American  philofopher  prefented  his 
grandfon  to  Voltaire,  with  a  requeft  that  he  would 
give  him  his  benediction.  "  God  and  liberty !" 
faid  Voltaire:  "  it  is  the  only  benediction 
which  can  be  given  to  the  grandfon  of  Franklin." 
They  went  together  to  a  public  affemby  of  the 
academy  of  fciences,  and  the  public  at  the  fame 
time  beheld  with  emotion  thefe  two  men,  born 
in  different  quarters  of  the  globe,  refpectable  by 
their  years,  their  glory,  the  employment  of  their 


C   5'    3 

lives,  and  both  enjoying  the  influence  which  they 
had  exercifed  over  the  age  in  which  they  lived. 
They  embraced  each  other  in  the  midil  of  public 
acclamations,  and  it  was  faid  to  be  Solon  who 
embraced  Sophocles.  But  the  French  Sophocles 
had  trampled  on  error  and  advanced  the  reign 
of  reafon  ;  and  the  Solon  of  Philadelphia,  hav- 
ing placed  rhe  conftitution  of  his  country  on 
the  immoveable  foundation  of  the  rights  of 
man,  had  no  fear  of  feeing  his  uncertain  laws, 
even  during  his  own  life  time,  open  the  way  to 
tyranny  and  prepare  fetters  for  his  country." 

This  is  the  Dr.  Franklin  that  Peter  Porcupine 
ftiles  "  old  lightning  rod,"  and  "  poor  Ri- 
chard." This  is  the  fame  Franklin  to  whom 
he  applies  every  fcurvy  epithet,  whofe  philofo- 
phy  he  fneers  at  in  the  following  manner.  "  He 
never  made  a  lightning  rod  nor  bottled  up  a  Jingle 
quart  offunjhine  in  the  whole  courfe  of  his  life.  He 
was  no  almanac  maker  ^  nor  quack  ^  nor  chimney 
doftor,  nor  foap  boiler,  nor  ambqffador,  nor  print- 
er*"s  devil"  Mankind  have  united  in  their  teftimo- 
ny  of  approbation  of  Dr.  Franklin's  philofophy, 
and  yet  Peter,  whohas neither  philofophy,  patrio- 
tifm,  veracity,  nor  principle,  has  raifed  his  pig- 
my voice  againft  millions.  Perhaps  it  would 
be  treating  this  fubjeft  as  it  deferves,  by  difinif- 
ing  it  wi'ch  the  words  of  the  Poet,  and  concluding 
with  him,  that 

"  A  villain's  cenfure  is  extort  edpraife" 


COPY    RIGHT     SECURED    ACCORDING    TO    LAW. 


REFRESHMENT 

FOR  THE  MEMORT 

OB 

WILLIAM    COB  BET  T. 

BT 


SAMUEL  F.  BRADFORD. 


A  REFRESHMENT,  6-c. 


"  The  gods  take  pleafure  oft,    when  haughty  mortals 
"  On  their  own  pride  erect  a  mighty  fabric, 
"  Byfigfafl  nisans^  to  lay  their  towering  fchemes 
"  Low  in  the  duft,  to  teach  them  they  are  nothing.'1 

THOMSON. 


j[  OU  will,  doubtlefs,  be  furprifed  on  finding  who 
it  is  that  now  addrefles  you  5  but,  your  furprife  will  be 
of  fhort  duration,  when  you  recolle£l,  that  it  is  one, 
whofe  father's  tranfa&ions  with  you,  all  your  {lore  of 
lies  and  mifreprefentation  have  been  expended  to  pre- 
fent  in  falfe  coloring.  I  was  at  New-York  when  a 
gentleman  firft  informed  me  that  the  ferpenf  we  had 
faved  from  perilhing  had  endeavoured  to  fling  us.  A- 
mazement  rivetted  me  to  the  fpot  where  I  flood — I 
could  not  believe  it  was  poflible  that  Cobbett  would 
be  guilty  of  fuch  bafenefs ;  that  the  man,  whom  I 
(like  an  imprudent  and  unfufpec~ling  youth)  took  to  my 
bofom  as  a  friend,  and  treated  with  every  mark  of  at- 
tention and  politenefs  a  ilranger  could  expect.,  would 
thus  reward  me  ;  but,  however,  I  found  it  'was  poflible, 
and  do,  here,  render  you  my  moil  fin  cere  thanks  for 
the  valuable  lefTon  of  prudence  which  you  have  taught 
me. 


C     4     ] 

I  muft  confefs  that  I  admired  your  private  character 
for  a  long  time  j  but,  is  it  any  wonder  that  a  young 
man,  unfkilled  in  the  ways  cf  the  world,  fhould  be  de- 
ceived by  fo  artful  a  creature  and  fo  confurnmate  an 
hypocrite  as  yourfelf.  It  is  beneath  the  dignity  of  a 
man  of  honor,  or  of  virtue,  to  be  a  traitor  to  his  fellow 
man  at  all ;  but,  this  turpitude  receives  additional  ag- 
gravation, when  praftifed  on  an  unfufpedting  and  un- 
hackneyed youth — However,  as  you  confefs  yourfelf, 
in  your  letter  to  Mr.  Bache,  that  you  "  aimed  your 
poifonous  darts  at  an  innocent  woman"  (Mrs.  Rowfon) 
it  ought  not  to  aftonifh  me  if  you  fhould  even  attempt 
the  murder  of  infancy  itfelf ! 

Your  public  writings,  it  is  well  known,  I  approved 
fo  far  as  they  refpe£ted  our  juftly  celebrated  conftitu- 
tion,  and  the  Great  Man  whom  the  unanimous  voice 
of  the  people  of  America  has  appointed  their  Chief 
Magiflrate  ;  but,  as  to  your  principles,  you  yourfelf  mutt. 
acknowledge  that  I  detefted  them  as  much,  and  even 
more,  than  I  did  thofe  of  the  party  againft  whom  your 
public  attacks  were  made.  What  repeated,  what  num- 
berlefs  arguments  have  we  not  had  on  the  fubjecl:  of 
Republican  and  Monarchical  governments — Abfolute 
Defpotifni)  and  nothing  lefs,  accorded  with  your  pri- 
vate fentiments  :  even  the  Britift  Government  was  not 
despotic  enough — it  favoured  too  ftrongly  of  Republicanifm. 

You  well  know  how  warmly  I  defended  tlue  caufe  of 
Republicanifm  j  and  with  what  ardor  I  juflified  the 
laws  and  conftittition  under  which  you  noiv  live,  and 
which  you  have  to  frequently  abufed  and  vilified  in  my 


[    5    ] 

prefence :  but,  all  my  arguments  were  in  vain — you 
•were  "  nurfed  in  the  lap  of  Ariftocracy."  Even  the 
very  people,  who  now  treat  you  with  fo  much  atten- 
tion on  account,  of  fome  of  your  public  writings,  have 
been,  in  private,  groily  abufed  by  you.  Our  mod  ref- 
pectable  characters  were  (according  to  your  account) 
a  fet  of  Speculators,  Land-jobbers,  &c.  fceking  to  en- 
trap and  deceive  every  foreigner  who  landed  on  our 
fhores  ;  our  induftrious  mechanics,  nothing  but  a  vile 
moby  ct factious  herd,  &c. — The  courtly  ftile  of  Burke  was 
ever  in  your  mouth. 

Call  to  mind  the  expreffion  of  MD'D  (meaning  the 
citizens  of  Philadelphia)  which  you  wifhed  to  intro- 
duce into  the  title  page  of  your  Plain  Englifh,  and 
which  my  father,  with  indignation,  erafed.  Deny 
this,  if  you  dare  :  even  your  friend  Beelzebub  will 
dare  with  amazement  if  you  attempt  it. 

How  groily  did  you  frequently  abufe  the  People 
of  America,  by  repeatedly  afTerting  that  they  were, 
for  the  greater  part,  good  AriftocralSy  good  Royalifts 
in  their  hearts,  and  only  wore  the  mafk  of  hypocrify 
to  anfwer  their  own  purpofes.  You  even  had  the  va- 
nity to  fay,  you  had  ((  converted  many  ivho  fwerejlaunch 
Republicans"  and  that  you  wiftied  your  arguments 
could  have  the  fame  effect  on  me  ;  but,  that  you  fear- 
ed I  was  too  much  a  Saris-culotte  (meaning  a  friend 
of  liberty  I  fuppofe)  at  heart  ever  to  be  reformed  by 
you.  This  you  intended  as  a  difparagement  to  me  ; 
but,  I  confidered  it  as  the  higheft  of  compliments  ; 

for,  remember  your   own  words>  "  Men  of  integrity 
H 


C    6    3 

arc  generally  pretty  chftinate  in  adhering  to  an  opinion  once* 
adoptcdy1 — This  maxim,  however,  my  confcience  will 
not  permit  me  to  apply  to  you  ;  for,  though  "  ftiff 
in  opinion-,  always  in  the  wrong,"  I  will  not  offer  fuch 
an  infult  to  virtue  as  to  call  your  obftinacy  the  offspring 
of  integrity  ;  befides,  your  reafons  were,  like  fome  of 
your  writings,  mere  froth  ;  for,  although  you  can  de- 
claim and  fcandalize  with  the  greateft  hero  of  Billingf- 
gate,  yet,  in  fober  argument,  and  chaitity  of  manner, 
you  are,  as  far  as  my  judgment  goes,  the  mereft  nicom- 
poop  of  the  whole  group  of  the  defenders  of  Ariftocra- 
cy  and  Royalty — and,  in  all  our  numerous  converfa- 
tions,  your  argumentative  powers  have  proved  infufB- 
cient  to  convince  me  that-—"  to  be  a  citizen  of  America 
was  to  be  a  Slave,  and  to  be  afubjeft  to  the  king  of  Great 
Britain,  in  comparifon^  a  Freeman" 

There   is  one  circumftance   that  I   give  you  credit 
for ;  that  is,  the    love  you  bore  Old   England,  and  e- 
very  man  muft  allow  the  amor  patria3  to  be  commen- 
dable.      There   was  no  affectation   then   (as  now)  of 
love  for  America  *  and  a  Republican  form  of  govern- 
ment, I  mean  in  private  ;  for  hunger  (fmce  you  have 
now  forced  me  to  tell  the  fecret)  made  you  write  in  a 
different  ftyle   from-  what   you   fpoke.       You  knew 
there  was  a  party  here  who  were  charged  with  an  in- 
tention to  fubvert  the  government,  and  who  were  faid 
to  be  enemies  to  it ;    you  were  then   teaching  a  few 
frenchmen,  in  this  city,  to  parler  Anglois  ;  (you  think 
proper  to  make  no  mentioij  of  this  in  your  life  ;    but  if 

*  No  ivo?ider — the  Jlripes  on  her  Jlag  bore  too  great  an 
analogy  to  a  certain  part  of  you 


c  7  : 

you  have  impudence  enough  to  deny  it>  remember 
witnelTes  are  at  hand)  but,  finding  yourfelf  too  dog- 
matical for  a  teacher,  not  of  Boys  over  whom  you  could 
exercife  ycur  tyranny,  but  of  Men  who  would  not 
brook  your  imperious  manner,  and  fearing  to  flarve, 
you  thought  of 'becoming  an  author.  My  father,  when 
you  offered  him  your  firft  productions,  faw  in  them 
fome  marks  of  a  ready  writer,  and  hoping^  (vain  hope 
indeed  !)  as  you  were  then  extremely  anxious  for  con- 
cealment, to  make  you  ferviceable  to  his  Country  and 
himfelf,  printed  them  j  but,  too  much  of  the  colour- 
ing of  your  private  fentiments  would,  frequently,  ap- 
pear in  your  public  writings,  in  fpite  of  the  many  al- 
terations and  amendments  we  made. 

You  fay  in  your  life  that  you  were  "  never  of  an 
accommodating  difpofiticn,"  in  order  to  prove  that 
we  made  no  alterations  in  your  writings.  Your  me- 
mory is,  really  very  bad  "  my  Lad"  or  you  would 
not  affert  falflioods  with  fuch  unblufhing  effrontery. 
Remember  what  you  wiftied  inferted  in  the  New- 
Year's  Gift ;  remember  what  was  erafed  from  the 
Congrefs  Gallery,  and  remember,  too,  the  many  al- 
terations I  made,  independently  of  my  father — I  would 
infertfome  of  the  erafed  paffages  here,  but  they  arc 
too  blackguard,  too  low,  and  too  infulting  to  Ameri- 
cans, for  my  pen  to  write.  Yes,  Billy,  you  may 
thank  me  for  refufmg  feveral  things  which  you  wifhed 
inferted,  and  efpecially  the  piece  I  made  you  erafe 
from  the  manufcript  of  the  New  Year's  Gift  the  mo- 
ment I  faw  it,  and  on  account  of  which,  if  it  had  been 


C   8    3 

publifhed  you  would  now  be,    where   many  a   Britifh 
Corporal  has  been  before  you. 

Excufe  my  refrefhing  your  memory  with  thefe  cir- 
cumftances  j  but,  I  find  it  is,  really,  grown  fo  trea- 
cherous (notwithftanding  your  own  aflertion  to  the 
contrary)  that  I  could  not  avoid  it.  You  have  already 
«f  tny  Lad"  proved  yourfelf  a  Liar  and  I  can  prove 
you  to  be  a  poor  pitiful  Coward  ! 

I  well  know,  that  you  never  expected  to  receive  an 
anfwer,  or  you  would  riot  have  written  what  you  did. 
You  endeavoured  to  vilify  my  father,  and,  except,  in 
one  iriftance,  {leered  clear  of  me.     You  knew  my  fa- 
ther— You  knew  he  never  would  floop  to   anfwer  the 
lies  of  a  Britifh    Corporal — You  knew  his  character 
was  too  well  eftablifhed,  and,  therefore,  you    expect- 
ed your  bafe  infinuatioas  would  not  be  refuted.     You 
avoided  faying  any  thing  to  difcrcdit  me  5  and,    every 
one,  who  knows  your  knack  at  lying,  cannot   but  be- 
lieve, your  fertile  brain  could  have  engendered  fome 
{lory  or  other  to  injure  me,  had  you  not  been   witheld 
by  cowardly  motives  ;  yes,  I  fay  cowardly  motives  ;  for, 
'  you  were  confcious 

<(  I  could  a  tale  unfold 

"  Whofe  lighted  woes  would  harrow  up  the  fouls"— of 
the  freemen  of  our  country. 

You,  alfo,  knew  I  was  a  young  man,  who  had  a 
character  to  eftablifh  in  the  world— that  I  was  jealous 
of  that  character,  and,  that  the  leafl  afperfion  from 
you,  would  produce  an  anfwer  on  my  part.  This  was 
what  you  dreaded  j  and,  by  faying  (as  you  thought) 


L   9   3 

nothing  to  affect  me,  you  expected  to  fave  "  your  ba- 
con"— But  you  are  miftaken.   Remember,  «  my  Lady* 
I  am  not  the  heart-breaking  rafcal  to  my  parents,    that 
you  have  been  to  yours.     I  love  my  parents — Say  you 
loved  yours,  if  you    dare,  when  you    caufed  them  fo 
many  hours  of    anguifli.       You  thought  I  could  read 
your  lies,  concerning  my  father,  unmoved,  provided 
I  did  not    come  in  for  a  mare  myfelf.       You  did    not 
know  me  ;  but,  remember,  from  this  time,    that  eve- 
ry afperfion  on  his  character,  I  confider  as  a  detraction 
from  my  own.       Were  you  to  write  ten  thoufand  lies, 
concerning  me,    I  could    eafier   forgive  you,  than  for 
one  concerning  him.     Let  fly  your  whole  ftore  of  enve- 
nomed   Quills    againft    me — I  am  prepared — Armed 
with  the  fhield  of  truth,  I  fear  you  not.       Methinks  I 
now  behold  you,  fwearing  vengeance  on  my  head,  and 
biting  your  under  lip  'till  the  blood  almoft  hTues  from  it. 
Yes,  methinks  I  fee  all  this  ;  for,  though  you  pretend 
tc  have  no  feeling,  I  muft  confefs,  that  when  (in  our 
ftore)  you  read  the  Rub  from  Snub,  poorly  written  as 
it  was,  you  knit  your  eye  brows,  ihrugged  up  your 
moulders,  and  "  grind d  horribly  a  ghaftly  fmile  "  but, 
recollecting  yourfelf,  you  threw  it  down,  and,  with 
an  affected  laugh  of  contempt,  faid  "  He's  a  poorfcur~ 
rilcus  dog)  dud  not  worth  minding."     Yet,  fpare  me   for 
this  time,  Billy,  and  keep  your  temper  a  little  longer 
for  I  have  more  in    ftore  for  you — If    you  dojiaver  a 
little,  only  be  careful  that  it  does  not  come  in  contact 
with  any  of  your  neighbours  !   !   ! 

If  any  perfon  ft  ill  doubts  your  being  a   Coward,  he 
may  have  further  proof  in  the  manner  of  your  attack- 


•[io   3 

ing  Mr.  Carey  and  my  father.  In  order  to  avoid  Mr. 
Carey's  anger,  you  endeavour  to  make  up  with  him, 
by  commending  his  fecrecy.  My  father,  you  well 
knew,  gloried  fo  much  in  the  name  of  Whig  (or  Re- 
bel, as  you  generally  fliled  him)  that  you  thought  to 
curry  favour  with  him,  and  make  him  forgive  and  for- 
get your  abufe  by  laying  open  his  principles  to  the 
public.  He  has  forgiven  you  j  and,  has  difdained  (as 
you,  naturally,  fuppofed  would  be  the  cafe)  to  anfwer 
your  infinuations.  Nor  mould  I  (a  boy)  have  honor- 
ed you  fo  much  had  it  not  been  for  the  opportunity 
which  the  preceeding  pamphlet  offered  me  of  annex- 
ing a  refreihment  for  your  excellent  memory.  I  (hall 
content  myfelf,  at  prefent,  with  making  fome  remarks 
on  your  half-told  life  and  your  mifreprefentations  and 
reticence  of  your  tranfa£tions  with  my  father. 

But,  to  your  life — "  Set  a  beggar  on  horfeback  and 
he  will  ride  to  the  Devil."  Here  we  fee  you,  Mr. 
Corporal,  mounted  on  your  prickly  beaft,  cutting  and 
fiafliing  as  you  go  ;  friend  or  foe,  it  is  all  one  to  you, 
fo  that  you  can  belch  forth  your  acrimony  and  dif- 
charge  your  rancour. 

Whether  you  were  drummed  out  of  your  regiment 
or  regularly  difcharged  (though,  by  the  bye,  it  is  not 
common  to  difcharge  a  good  foldier,  as  you  would 
make  us  believe)  or  whether  you  arrived  at  New  York 
or  Wilmington  ;  whether  you  remained,  in  obfcurity, 
teaching  a  few  Frenchmen  toparler  Anglois  in  the  lat- 
ter place  and  afterwards  here,  or  whether  you  were 
ikulking  in  our  fuburbs,  'till  you  fuppofed  it  was  time 


C    »    3 

to  flam  upon  the  aftonifhed  world,  and  difplay  your 
fuperior  abilities,  by  telling  us,  that  William  Cobbett 
*was  the  writer  of  certain  pieces  under  the  title  of  Peter 
Porcupine,  I  fay,  thefe  things  are  matters  of  little  con- 
fequence  to  me.  Your  miinuations,  mifreprefenta- 
tions  and  reticences  are  what  concern  me. 

Whether  the  exprefTipn  "  that  my  father  found  you 
a  coat,"  was  really  told  to  you,  or  whether  it  was  your 
own  confcioufnefs,  I  will  not  pretend  to  fay.  But 
this  much  I  will  declare,  that  neither  he,  or  any  of 
the  family,  ever  did  make  uie  of  the  expreffion  ;  how- 
ever, on  recollection  and  perufal  of  your  Hfe,  the  view 
of  your  regimentals,  which,  no  doubt,  were  the  befl 
in  your  wardrobe  when  you  attempted  to  difpofe  of 
your  writings,  when  I  view  thefe  things,  the  change 
in  your  drefs,  the  addition  to  your  houmold  furniture 
your  living  down  flairs  inftead  of  the  Garret  you  were 
firfi  found  in,  I  make  no  doubt  he  contributed  to  put 
better  cloaths  on  your  back,  and  better  furniture  in 
your  houfe. 

Had  not  my  father  rifked  his  property  in  order  to 
print  your  eflays  and  convince  you  that  his  prefs  was 
free,  you  might,  ere  now,  have  enlifted  as  a  foldier, 
indulged  your  love  of  rambling,  or  have  been  maintained 
at  the  public  expencf. 

You  wifli  to  infmuate,  page  38,  that  my  father's 
prefs  is  not  a  free  prefs.  This  is  fo  falfe  as  not  to  me- 
rit an  anfwer.  You  and  your  eflays  prove  the  contra- 
ry, and  the  people  of  America  well  know,  that  her  at 
well  as  his  father  and  great  grandfather,  have  all  hswi 


t:  '*  3 

the  honor  of  being  profecuted  for  maintaining  its  liber- 
ty in  fpite  of  the  frowns  and  menaces  of  a  Britiih  Min- 
iftry.     And,  while  I  am  its  condu&cr,  it  (hall  be  open 
and  free  to  any  and  every  party,  whether  in  politics  or 
literature ;    it  {hall  roll  as  a  free  and  independent  (not 
licentious)  prefs  ought  to,    in  fpite  of  the   clamours  of 
faffhriy  the  Jlander    of  hirelings,  or  the  frowns  of  Pow- 
er.      Nay,     were  the  Prefident  of  the  United  States, 
that  firfl,  that  greateft  of  men,  to  make  an  attack  on 
its  freedom,  it   mould  repel  him  with  its  native  ener- 
gy- 
Apropos,  Billy  ;    I  faw  at  the  end  of  your  Scare 
Crow,     "    From   the   Free    Prefs  of  William  Gobbett" 
What  !    you  have  fet  up  a  Free  Prefs,  have  you  ?— - 
A  Free  Prefs  of  your  own  too,  I  fuppofe  !  !  Pray,  how 
long  is  it  fince  you  bought  a  prefs  ?  You  have  been  ve- 
ry fecret    about  the  bufinefs,  indeed :  you   never  let  a 
fingle  brother  Typo  know   a   word   about  it,  'till  you 
flamed  upon  us  with  "  From  the  Free  Prefs  y  &c."  None 
of  the    prefs-makers,  here,    had  even  the  lead  know- 
ledge of  it,  no  not  one.     But,  I  fuppofe  you  imported 
it ;  and  your  workmen  too,  eh  !  for,  I  have  never  yet 
heard  of  any  American  journeyman  having  worked  in 
Billy    Cobbett's  printing  office.     At    the  end  of  your 
"  Life  and  Adventures"  I  do  not  fee  any  more  men- 
tion of  the  Free  Prefs  ;  the  plain  imprint  "  Printed  for 
find  fold  by  William  Cobbett"  is  fufficient  now!  What! 
fold  it  already ! — Shame  on  you  Billy. — Sell  a  Free  Prefs 
a  month  after  its  eftablifhment  !  Oh  tempora  !  Oh  me- 
res !  But,  to  be   ferious,  as  I  fee  you  have  repented, 
if  you  will  promife  to  continue  your  good  behaviour,  I 


C    '3    3 

not  tell  your  friends  how  you  employed  ariothe> 
printer,  and,  plagiarift  like,  called  his  prefs  your  own; 
but,  mind,  this  is  on  condition  that  I  fee  nothing  more 
of  "  WILLIAM  COBBETT'S  FREE  PRESS." 

You  fay,  page  40,  your  pamphlets* were  not  "  ho- 
nored with  the  bookfeller's  name."  I  fee  you  will  be 
at  your  old  trade  of  lying  ftill.  The  books,  as  they  novr 
Hand  in  the  ftore  will  give  you  the  lie.  The  imprint 
of  "  La  Nomenclature  Angloiff*  fays  "  Imp  rime  c/jea 
Thomas  Bradford" — but,  you  forget  to  place  this  book 
in  your  very  occur att  account;  you  forget  that  you  ever 
wrote  it,  and  got  paid  for  it.  However,  that  is  no. 
great  matter  of  furprize ;  it  was  written  for  the  ufe  of 
Frenchmen,  and  you  know,  that  a  man,  who  cannot 
remember  having  been  a  teacher  de  la  langue  AngUife 
might,  eafily,  forget  receiving  payment  for  a  Nomen- 
clature, purpofely  written  to  facilitate  its  acquirement. 
He  might  alfo,  with  the  fame  eafe,  forget  that  he  ever 

wrote  a  grammar,  entitled  «  Le  Tuteur  Anglois • 

Imprime  chez  Thomas  Bradford,"  and  that  he  receiv- 
ed a  confiderable  fum  of  money  for  it,  together  with 
two  hundred  copies  of  the  work,  which  he  gave  his 
word  never  to  difpofe  of  here  (as  he  had  an  intention 
to  leave  this  "  damned  country"  and  feek  his  fortune 
clfewhere)  but,  which  he  did  difpofe  of  to  his  fcholars, 
and  others,  at  an  under  price,  and  thereby  injured  our 
fale  fo  much  that  the  chief  part  of  the  edition  is  now  on 
hand,  and,  if  he  chufes  to  purchafe,  will  be  fold  to  hmt 
again  for  half  its  value. 
I 


C    »«    3 

are  both,  nearly,  of  the  fame  fize.  It  is  true  the  firft 
fold  better  than  the  fecond  ;  but,  he  did  not  know,  at 
the  time  of  making  the  bargain,  this  would  be  the  cafe : 
the  prefumption  was,  that  the  fecond  would  have  a 
much  quicker  fale  than  the  firft,  becaufe  the  writings 
were  more  generally  circulated  and  known.  Your 
confcience  muft  tell  you  what  the  125  Dollars  were 
given  for,  and,  if  you  have  the  leaft  fpark  of  honor  re- 
maining, you  will  undeceive  a  public,  already,  too 
much  duped  by  your  artifices. 

Through  your  dealings  with  my  father,  you  cannot 
lay  but  that  he  paid  the  price  you  afked  for  your  eflays 
and  fomc  other  works  which  he  hired  you  to  do;  and, 
perhaps,  it  might  be  made  to  appear  you  got  fomething 
more ;   but,  the  principle  bufinefs^  your   confcience 
(if  you  have  any)  told  you,   mould  be  accounted  for 
was  that  of  the  Congrefs  Gallery.     This,  in  converfa- 
tion  was  ftarted  by  you  or  my  father  it  matters  not 
which  -,    but,  on  conclufion,  he  aiked  you  what  you 
would  have  for  the  work.  Your  anfwer  was,  one  quar- 
ter of  a  dollar  per  page.     This  he  agreed  to  give  you, 
and,  accordingly,  iflued  propofals  for  fubfcription,  as 
it  was  intended  to  be  a   large  work,    and   continued 
through  the   feflion  5   but,  B»  Davis,  the  Boekfeller, 
who  came  frequently  to  our  (lore,  one  day,  by  popping 
in,  as  your  were  mentioning  the  Bloody   Buoy,  dif- 
covered  you ;  and,  my  father  not  being  over-anxious 
to  publifh  it  he  contracted  with  you  for  it.      While 
writing  this,    you  were  feveral   times  applied  to  for 
the  fecond  number  of  the  Congrefs  Gallery — you  made 
various  excufes  to  put  it  off;  but,  my  fether,  finding 


L    17    J 

y<Mi  meant  to  publifh  the  work  under  another  title, 
called  on  you,  and  aflted  you  for  the  work  ;  you  denied 
•writing,  tho'  it  was,  then,  nearly  ready  for  the  prefs, 
and,  being  prefled,  you  faid,  that  if  you  did  write,  no 
other  than  he  mould  have  it. 

My  father  had>  as  far  as1:he  word  of  a  man  could  go 
purchafed  the  copy-right  of  the  ProfpcEl>  and  had  enter- 
ed the  fame;  but  you,  like  an  artful  villain,  finding  it 
had  a  ready  fale,  forfeited  all  ties  of  contract  (fup- 
pofing  you  an  honed  man  he  had  taken  no  more  than 
your  word)  and  continued  the  work  under  another 
title,  as  if  that  would  fcreen  your  villainy.  Had  ths 
propofals,  iflued  by  him,  by  and  with  your  concur- 
rence, been  filled,  the  lofs  to  him  muft  "have  been  very 
confiderable ;  and  when  the  arrangements,  made  by 
him,  are  taken  into  view,  perhaps,  had  he  purfued  his 
ideas  (which  I  am  now  forry  I  difluaded  him  from) 
when  he  wrote  the  note,  dated  the  22d  of  March,  1 796, 
a  jury  might  have  given  a  few  pounds  damages,  to  con- 
vince a  Briti/h  Corporal  that  he  ought  to  keep  his  word, 
with  an  u  American  Rebel"  as  well  as  with  any  other 
man ! 

In  page  48,  I  fee  the  following  fentcnce  "  Mr. 
Bradford  once  told  tne,  that  Mr.  Allcn>  the  father-in-law 
of  Mr.  Hammond,  faid  he  ivas  acquainted  with  me"  Do 
you  really  mean  that  my  father  told  you  fo  ?  If  you  do, 
the  following  exact  ftatement  will  prove  either  your 
admirable  talent  of  mifreprefentation,  or  the  excellency 
of  your  very  excellent  memory.  My  brother,  William 
Bradford,  cue  day,  told  you,  that  Andrew  Allen,  jljc 


C    18    ] 

fonof  Mr.  Allen,  die  father-in-law  of  Mr.  Hammond, 
had,  as  they  were  walking  together,  pointed  you  out 
as  Peter  Porcupine.  My  father  never  mentioned  the 
circumftance  to  you  at  all ;  he  did  not  even  know  it. 

I  will  now  proceed  to  the  aflertion  you  make  con- 
cerning   myfelf.     You  mention  that   Mr.  Bradford's 
fon  (you  forgot  I  fuppofe  he  has  three)  offered  you  a 
hundred  dollars  a  number  for  the  Profpecl:,  in  place 
of  eighteen,  and  that  he  obferved,  that  their  cuftomers 
would  be  much  difappointed,  for,  that  his  father  had 
promifed  a  continuation,  and  that  it  Jhould  lie  made  very 
mterejllng.     The    firft  part  of  this,   for  a  wonder,  is 
ftri6tly  true  :  I  did  offer  you  one  hundred  dollars,  and 
my  father    did  prcmife  a  continuation  in  the  propofals  ; 
for,  as  he  had  your  word  of  honor  !  for  the  fulfillment 
of  the  contract,  he  fully  expected  it  would  be  conti- 
nued during  the  feffion ;  but  with  regard  to  the  expref- 
lion  that  it  J/jould  be  made  very  interefling,     you  have 
fallen  into  your  old  failing.     I  never  did  make  ufe  of  it, 
cither  to  you  or  any  other  man,  and  it  is  only  a  fabrica- 
tion of  your  own  in  order  to  account  for  your  rafcally 
behaviour. 

What  a  pity  it  is,  Cobbett,  that  you  did  not  entrap 
me  in  the  Geneva  affair.  Perhaps  you  don't  recollect 
this  either.  I  will  refrefh  your  memory.  Remember 
that  you  came  acrofs  a  copy  of  the  hiftory  of  the  late 
revolution  in  Geneva,  written  in  French,  and  that  hav- 
ing propofed  tranflating  it  you  wifhed  me  to  appear  as 
•the  tranilator  by  inferting  in  the  title-page,  u  TranJIatcd 
from  the  French  by  Samuel  F.  Bradford."  Remember 
too,  that  you  mentioned  to  ms  that  you  defignecl,  alfo, 


C    19    1 

to  write  a  preface,  which  was  to  appear  as  if  coming 
from  me  :  your  intention  in  fo  doing,  yon  hinted,  was 
to  make  the  public  (who  would  compare  your  ftyle  of 
writing  with  the  preface)  take  me  for  the  author,  and 
this  you  fuppofed  I  would  be  proud  of.  Your  real  in- 
tention was  to  perplex  the  public  opinion  and  -avoid 
being  difcovered  ;  for  you  were  at  that  time  excepavely 
frightened  at  the  bare  idea  of  fuch  a  thing.  This  \vas 
the  time  I  began  to  fee  your  cloven  foot.  Do  you 
think  you  a&ed  as  a  man  of  virtue,  honor,  or  principle 
in  endeavouring  to  draw  an  inexperienced  young  man 
into  an  affair  of  fuch  a  nature  ?  Suppofe,  for  a  mo- 
ment, I  had  confented,  what  fweet  nuts  you  would 

have  had  to  crack  !  Tiianks  to  my  pride  I  did  not  con- 

f  * 

fent.  Yes,  to  my  pride,  I  fay  ;  for  it  was  wounded 
by  fuch  an  offer.  If  I  had  wifhed  to  become  known  as 
a  tranflatorof  the  French  language  or  fome  other  modern 
ones,  I  need  only  to  have  affixed  my  nair.  I  pub- 

limed  thofe  works  and  mifcellaneous  piece?  which 
hitherto  employed  my  leifure  hours.  .Perhaps,  even 
now,  you  do  not  remember,  why  you  dropt  the  publi-^ 
cation — I  will  again  refrefh  your,  memory  :  You  be- 
gan the  tranflation  and  intended  to  publifh  it  in  another 
name  ;  but,  a  few  days  after,  you  found  it  was  printed 
by  Mr.  Fenno,  and  accordingly  gave  it  up. 

I  muft  now  difmifs  the  fubjecl:,  confident  I  have 
treated  it  more  fully  than  it  deferved.  The  time  I 
have  been  writing  the  foregoing  I  confider  as  loft  in-r 
deed;  but,  I  could  not  behold  fo  many  abominable 
falmoods  with  indifference.  "  My  lad,  "  you  miy 
mow  write  againft  me  till  your  «  red  head"  turns  black- 


I  here  throw  you  the  gauntlet — take  it  up.,  and  however, 
poorly  writen  this  firfl  public  anfwer  of  mine  may  be, 
however  devoid  of  all  the  beauties  of  ftyle,  and  the 
graces  of  compofition  the  whole  of  this-  Refrefhment 
may  appear}  yet,  you  will  feel,  on  reading  it,  that  it 
contains  more  ftingmg  truths  than  a  cat  o*  nine  tails. 

You  may,  perhaps,  fuppofe,  that  being  a  boy,  I  might 
forget  myfelfanddefcend  fo  far,  as  to  honor  you  with 
a  criticifm  upon  your  works.     No,  I  difdain  it ;  your 
blunders  are  fo  great  that  it  would  be  an  Herculean  la- 
bour to  enumerate  them ;  your  writings  are  made  up 
of  blackguardifms  and    grammatical  outrages.      But, 
were  I  to  defcend  to  criticifm,  I  might  tell  you  that 
the  very  page  which  lays  before  me  (49)  and  which  is 
next  to  the  one  from  which  I  but  a  little  Awhile  ago 
made  an  extract,  contains  the  following  elegant  and 
grammatical  fentence.     "  This  we  daily  fee  verified 
in   the    diftribution  of  certain    blafphemous  gazettes^ 
which,  though  kicked  from  the  door  with  d£f&uh,j£r*/ 
in  at  the  window."     Had  I,  while  at  fchool,  written 
fuch  a  fentence,  my  fchool-mates  would  have  hifled 
me  from  my  clafs.     Gazettes  fies !  !  I  Oh !  Billy,  Billy ! ! 
I  will  conclude  by  giving  the  public  your  own  fen- 
timents  of  your  own  works,  which  I  have  in  your  own 
hand  writing.      If  you  have  forgotten  this  alfo,  come 
and  refrefh  your  memory,  or  if  you  are  ajbamed  to  come 
nigh  our  houfe,   get  fome  of  your  friends  to  look  whe- 
ther or  no    it  is  not  your  own  hand-writing.       It  mail 
be  open  for  the  infpeclion  of  the  public.     Here  it  is — 
r«ad  and  "  grin  horribly  a  ghaftly  fmile^ 


C   21    3 

«  Mr.   Bache, 

"  A  pamphlet  has  lately  made  its  appearance  among  us 
"  — entitled  A  Second  part  of  a  Bcne  to  Gnaiuyjor  the  De~ 
"  mocratsy  which  is  at  once  perhaps  the  mod  impudent 
«  and  infolent  performance  that  ever  difgraced  a  free 
<c  prefs. — I  do  not  cenfure  this  piece  for  its  being 
"  written  againft  the  Democrats  j  for  I  am  certain  that 
"  every  careful  perufer  will  fee  that  its  true  object  is, 
"  not  to  combat  thofe  focieties,  but  to  vilify  all  Ame- 
<c  rica,  and  its  allies,  its  faithful  allies,  and  raife  the 
"  interefts  of  Great  Britain  on  their  ruins.  The  writer 
"  has  feized  die  opportunity  of  a  pamphlet  containing 
"  the  proceedings  of  the  United  Iriihmeri  (which 
u  the  editor  had  certainly  as  great  a  right  to  publiih  as 
(i  he  lias  to  publifh  his  traih  \  to  introduce  to  the  unwa- 
ic  ry  public  a  trait  in  the  French  revolution,  which, 
"  though  it  mufl  give  pain  to  every  humane  mind,  is 
<£  not  lefs  excufable  than  other  excefies  to  which  every 
«  nation  is  inevitably  impelled  by  its  rev6iutionary 
"  motion.  He  has  introduced  th;s  trait,  however, 
*'  with  all  the  exaggerated  circumftances  that  can  be 
"  conceived,  and  while  he  fets  out  with  telling  his 
"  reaa'er  that  his  genius  is  not  adapted  to  the  tragic, 
«e  he  is  preparing  to  "  harrow  up  his  foul"  with  hor- 
<«  ror.  But  what  had  the  feige  of  Lyons  to  do  with 
"  the  Democrats  in  this  country  or  with  the  United 
«  Irifhmen?  There  was  not  the  leaft  fhadow  of  a  necef- 
«'  fity  for  introducing  it,  and  it  could  be  done  only  to 
<f  vilify  the  French  and  all  other  republican  governments. 
«  Obferve  where  the  author  fays  p  42.  "  when  France 
«  was  a  monarchy  the  common  hangman  at  Lyons  en- 
"  tertained  a  higher  fenfe  cf  honour  than  has  yet  been 
«c  expreiled  by  any  one  of  the'  convention."  la  net 
<c  this  infinuating  that  it  is  impoffible  for  repuL, 
<f  to  poflefs  any  fenfe  of  honour  ?  This  (hallow  v 
"  has  perhaps  never  heard  of  the  BniLufcs  and  Gates- 
<«  and  of  many  republicans  of  modern  times' that  might 
«  vie  with  them. 


C    ^    ] 

"  The  condufion  of  this  piece  b  TTS  the  fhmp  of 
its  origin  ;  it  rmifhes  with  endeavouring  to  perfuade 
the  citizens  of  this  country,  that  they  ought  to  pre- 
fer  ccmiecxmis  with  Great  Britain  to  thofe  v,rith 
France.  But  this  author  does  not  feel  as  an  Ameri- 
raw ,-  the  injuries  that  Great  Britain  has  heaped  on 
this  country  are  not  imprinted  on  bis  heart  as  they 
are  on  ours.  This  reaibning  from  the  prefent  fitua- 
tion  of  France  is  falacious — whatever  may  be  her  rao- 
mentary  diflreffes,  (he  cannot  fail  in  the  end  to  raiife 
herfelf  iuperior  to  all  her  enemies,  and  to  put  to  the 
blulh  all  thofe  who  are  now  rejoicing  in  imaginary 
profpecls  of  her  deftruttion. 

This  writer  takes  particular  delight  in  vilifying  thofe 
charters  whom  Americans  have  been  long  accuf- 
tomed  to  admire — the  piece  would  not  be  his,  if  it 
did  not  contain  fome  farcafm  en  the  venerable  Doc- 
tors  Franklin  and  Priejlley-^-m  this  laft  production  he 
feems  to  have  gone  a  little  further  than  ufual,  he 
has  placed  one  of  them  in  hell  and  given  us  to  un- 
derltand  that  the  other  will  focn  follow  him. 
"  His  low  attempt  at  wit  on  this  fubjecl:  can  only 
daw  a  fmile  of  contempt  from  a  man  of  fenfe.  The 
two  great  men  he  has  thought  proper  to  treat  thus, 
are  fo  far  above  the  reach  of  his  malice,  that  it 
would  be  ufelefs  for  me  to  attempt  their  j unification. 
The  dead  have  ever  been  looked  upon  as  exempted 
from  reproach,  but  this  pamphleteer  difregards  de- 
corum  •,  it  is  not  afloniming  he  who  has  been  bafc 
enough  to  aim  his  poifonous  darts  at  an  innocent 
\/ oman,  fnould  not  look  upon  the  grave  ^s  a  Ihelter 
from  his  malice. 

"  I  fliall  make  but  one  obfervation  on  tlie  flile  of  this 
pamphlet,  it  is  this  ;  that,  if  pcflible,  it  is  fome- 
thing  worfe  than  any  thing  this  author  has  before 
given  us,  and  th.it  if  this  is  the  way  he  improves, 
we  may  expect  him  to  arrive  very  foon  at  that  per- 
fe£lion  of  infipidity  which  v/ill  enfure  him  the  title 
of  Jerry  Snake.  I  would  advife  him  to  ildift — let 
him  leave  off  while  he  is  well — whatever  he  may 
imagine,  he  was  never  formed  tot-  make  converts  in 


C    =3   1 

«  Arr.erics^-his  would-be  wit  never  ceafes  to  nwnkca 
«  difguft,  Zkw  *o  Gnaw  r.nd  Grub-flrt'et,  will  fccn  be 
«  fynonymous. 

-^  Ccrrefpcndent 
BURLINGTON,  June  2,   1795, 

c*  Have  ccficd  ills  lev  i  Kg  cpiftlc,  word  for 
ivcrd  and  letter  for  letter •,  preferring  ibe  falfe 
orthography ;"  it  was  written  by  William  Cob- 
bett  for  publication.  He  requeued  me  to  tranf- 
cribe  it,  ?nd  fend  it  to  Mr.  Bache,  which  I  did ; 
but,  whether  Mr.  Bache's  difcernment  led  him 
to  fufpedthe  author,  whowifhed  by  any  means, 
however  font,  to  bring  himfelf  into  notice,  or 
whether  he  confldered  Peter  Porcupine  as  too 
contemptible  to  merit  public  animadverfion,  I 
will  net  pretend  to  fay;  certain  it  is,  however, 
that  he  did  not  publifli  it.  The  original  re- 
mained in  my  hands,  and  may  now  be  feen  by 
any  perfcn  who  wi flies  to  behold  a  fpecimen  of 
very  accurate  ivniir^! 

SAMUEL  F,  BRADFORD. 


